The Incredible Shrinking Jhud

Jennifer Hudson is like my meth head ex-boyfriend’s peen: Every time I see her, she looks skinnier and skinnier. But unlike my meth head ex-boyfriend’s peen, JHud has no trouble standing erect without the help of a 2-hour hand job, a lot of coaching and a mess of Viagra. (I think).

JHud, who is putting out a weight-loss book soon (Chapter 1 – Become a spokeswoman for Weight Watchers. If that’s not possible, smoke crack and bid adieu to all your ribs), nearly made her fingers kiss when she posed on the carpet at amfAR’s Inspiration Gala in NYC last night. Ugh. When I put my hands around my waist, my fingers can barely see each other’s tips because a hilly mound of bloat is blocking their view of each other. If Weigh Watchers had Cheetos nachos, Frosted Circus Animal Cookies and Coke Margaritas on their menu and gave complimentary lipo each week, I’d totally join! If JHud loses anymore weight, she’ll win every single Verdine White look-alike contest and that’s reason enough to be mad at her.

Here’s more of JHud at last night’s amfAR along with: Ke$hit (who gets a D- for her tuck game), Heidi Klum, James Franco, Lance Bass and a melting Victorian Vampire wax doll with an American History X extra.