DROP EVERYTHING! Chicken Cutlets Has A Stalker!
As Zsa Zsa Gabor skips across a chandelier in her dream world while she lays in a coma, her husband Prince Von Asshat and international supermodel sensation Phoebe Price (seen together here during happier times at the famewhore headquarters known as The Ivy) are getting ready to fight it out in the biggest battle since my chola cousin cursing out at an assistant manager at a Palmdale Walmart over why their bathroom toilets are always clogged with shit.
Chicken Cutlets has asked a judge to grant her a restraining order against Prince Von Asswart, because she says he has been stalking her for a year. PP has become filled with fear over his threats. You know, the same sort of fear a paparazzo’s camera lens feels when it sees PP hitting the ho stroll, because it doesn’t know whether or not it’s strong enough to handle her WAM BAM poses. Sort of like that.
PP’s chicken cutlet cheeks quivered with fear and her eyes looked for the light (Yes, PP told her story over the phone, but a professional supermodel always looks for the light no matter what!) as she bravely told TMZ what she’s been through in the past year, “I am scared for my life and my mom’s life. This man does anything for press and I am afraid he will hurt me or have someone hurt us.” In court papers, filed on Wednesday, Chicken Cutlets writes that Prince Von Assroid has sent her several threatening letters and seems to show up everywhere she goes.
Prince Von Assdingle, on the other hand, has no idea what PP is going on about and says that delusion sauce must be running her brain, because he hasn’t contacted her in over a year. He told TMZ, “If I hear one more false statement from her about me I will go to the West LA Police and file a criminal complaint against her myself!!”
While taking a break during a gas station photo shoot the other day, Chicken Cutlets yodeled out to RumorFix that Prince Von Ahoe is trying to get an egg from the Styrofoam carton in her lady parts. Chicken Cutlets then gave an emotional speech about how she sympathizes with Whitney Houston’s character in The Bodyguard, because she now knows what it feels like to be tormented by a CRAZED stalker who will stop at nothing to dim her beauty!
Even though PP is afraid for her life and shaking on the inside, she still looks devastatingly gorgeous and still has the stuff that makes Foghorn Leghorn howl. But this is a serious matter! If Phoebe Price doesn’t feel safe on the ho stroll, then none of us should feel safe ANYWHERE! I was taught that American is a land where children can feel safe playing in the park and world famous ginger supermodels can strike poses on the stroll without fear. What a sad time we live in. If the United Nation of Famewhores hasn’t set up an agency that will devote its energy to this highly important matter, then I have lost faith in everything!