Dusty Scenes From Coachella
It's that time of year again when celebwhores from every list gather in the desert of California and hipster-ize themselves by rolling around in a bin at the Salvation Army and filling their pores with Patchouli! It's Coachella! It felt only fitting to let Tara Reid, who puts the hell in Coachella, lead the way of hos who look like they just fell out of the ass of an Urban Outfitters.
Only Tara the Terrible would wear Lucifer's footwear of choice in 1 million degree weather. You just know the inside of her UGGs are coated with a thick, gooey toe-smegma that is made of whiskey that secretes out of her foot pores and coke dust from an 8-ball she stashed in there years ago. At the end of the night when all the food trucks are closed, Tara can smear that UGGs butter on a piece of cardboard and get drunk high all over again! Actually, Tara might be a genius for that. This is the only time in history I approve of UGGs.
Anyway, here's who joined Tara in sweating their pits off while sucking the nuts of a coco. In order: Penn Badgley with the gay son from Desperate Housewives, RDJ!!!!, Vanessa Hudgens (who needs to know that we already have one Lisa Bonet), Tara, Jack Osbourne, Alessandra Ambrosio with her dude, Nick Simmons, Dita Von Teese, Usher, Danny DeVito, Ashley Greene with that dude from Kings of Leon, The Hoff with his latest leased piece, Kellan Lutz, Paul McCartney, ASkars with Kate Bosworth, Tony Hawk and Bud Bundy.
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Look out Tony Hawk, it's Panic-Room-era Kristen Stewart!
Who's the guy in the pic just before Bud Bundy?
never seen him before.
oh..wait.. is that TONY HAWK? Man, he looks old and BUSTED :\. Not that he was good looking before, but this is not an improvement.
The problem is their full length mirrors are lying face up on their coffee tables. That black thing she's wearing is the least flattering garment I've seen since the Born This Way video. Her legs seem to go forever but there is no indication of a waist. She looks like a piece of chewy Halloween candy that they sell in big bags at the dollar store.
http://burning-plastic.tumblr.com/
Yeah this chick's bf is one helluva lucky guy *falls*
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What's up, douchebag?
Submitted by LaChaylo on Sun, 04/17/2011 - 9:52pm.
Again - yes, I'll have RDJ for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and all night long, please.
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Yeah - my vag muscles involuntarily jump every time I look at these pics *blush*
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I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. - Dorothy Parker
Submitted by Genny18 on Sun, 04/17/2011 - 9:57pm.
LaChaylo, there's a girl in my school who wears the same nasty hippie dippy boots all the time with the same leggings....I bet her feet are festering in luke warm sweat and fungus....
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EWWWWW. I can't imagine her significant other is doing any foot rubbing or toe sucking of any kind on that mess. YUCK.
I'm confused about the "summer" boot. Temps get in the high 90s to 100s with high humidity where I live, so those things would just make your feet into a living fungi forest here.
LaChaylo, there's a girl in my school who wears the same nasty hippie dippy boots all the time with the same leggings....I bet her feet are festering in luke warm sweat and fungus....
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What's up, douchebag?
Why, oh why, do people insist on the overuse of bad faux hippie attire and fucking BOOTS in a desert?!?!
Again - yes, I'll have RDJ for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and all night long, please.
That's LeBon...Simon LeBon.
Okay, we all know Dita has kept to her style and I appreciate it. But, why are so many people giving her a pass on such a hideously ridiculous, and trying way-too-hard-to-look-eccentric-outfit-with-some-designer-duds-added look? Is it because she's retro and burlesque? It's an interesting phenomenon on here where people forgive her monstrous outfit.
I do give her credit for purposely looking crazy. Is that what she's going for here? The '40's housewife who goes nuts? Mother's Little Helpers thing involved?
That said, do these people have a special VIP section, or do they sit with regular folk?
1) The pictures of ASkars and Kate Whatsherface have a serious case of the Vanilla Gorilla/KvD (similar to STD but slightly different)'s going on and that makes me happy.
2) Who is the hot ginger piece with Dita?
3) RDJ... yum. That is all.
If anyone is interested Duran Duran will be performing live on you tube at 7:25 PM west coast time:
http://www.youtube.com/coachella
That Nick Simmons is such a cutie
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"Why won't you be perfect? Stop being so fat and lumpy. I fucking hate you, you cunt polenta."
Hopefully someone got the money-shot for Coachella 2011:
Past-self (Lilo) and Future-self(Tara) posing next to each other pretending they don't see themselves in each other's eyes.
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Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time."
— Haruki Murakami
I love live, outdoor music, but I'm very careful about the venue and time of year. To me, there is nothing fun about sitting around in the scorching sun with a bunch of stanky-ass people, sweating non-stop and waiting in line to use a disgusting port-o-potty. There are plenty of venues that have decent toilets and have events in nice weather.
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"Hooooooty who give an eff about Haiti?! I don't! BAM!" - MK as Taylor Momsen
Dang Bud Bundy is looking old.
I've been watching watching you watching me... Loose Ends
Tony Hawk looks so freaking old, dang cheating must take years off of a person's life. And what's up with the weird body language with the girl in the gray tee?
RDJ is hotttttt.
Ashley Greene looks like she needs a punch in the face.
Kellan Lutz looks like he needs a jackhammer to the balls.
If the world ever suffers a nuclear explosion, all that will be left are cockroaches and Tara Reid. Her resiliency is amazing.
As much as I love music, I honestly can't think of anyone worth standing in line to use a porta-potty for, even if I was in the first row and was invited to join them onstage, and went out with them later for a bite to eat, and they gave me their e-mail address and social security number and named their kid after me and wore a t-shirt the next day with a picture of me on it. And came back from the dead. Sorry, Kurt.
It's funny, I can take all the mental discomfort anybody can dish out, but physical discomfort? No way.
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"When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat."
Submitted by babybunny on Sun, 04/17/2011 - 10:35am.
simply adore the never ending 1940's glamour that is Dita....she epitomizes the Burlesque era to a t. Anyone seen the docu Burly Q...about all the off the charts gorgeous burlesque dancers ofthe 1940's that are now old memaws...Tempest Storm still keeps her hair carrot red...but every time they showed footage of those beauties in the 1940's nobody in the present embodies that except Dita...she is 1940's burlesque come to life...sorry to go on and on but damn I love Dita!!
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I love her style too. Always looks so well put together... And she's so petite and stylish...
ACL has its share of fuckery, but I'd rather go to ACL than Coachella.
P.S. I'd do RDJ all the live long day, hit it up, down, all around!
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Pass a memo around you dumb fucks!
Submitted by Stan Hooper on Wed, 04/06/2011 - 7:27pm.
Meh. I'd rather freeze my ass off up here in the North-East.
@RustyHooligan
Hey, I hear ya. And you don't have to be a celeb to do stupid stuff at concerts, sporting events, etc.
You are the only other person I know who has read "Cruel Shoes"!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
simply adore the never ending 1940's glamour that is Dita....she epitomizes the Burlesque era to a t. Anyone seen the docu Burly Q...about all the off the charts gorgeous burlesque dancers ofthe 1940's that are now old memaws...Tempest Storm still keeps her hair carrot red...but every time they showed footage of those beauties in the 1940's nobody in the present embodies that except Dita...she is 1940's burlesque come to life...sorry to go on and on but damn I love Dita!!
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sun, 04/17/2011 - 9:48am.
Thanks for the link!
I am jelly you get to see him! Want to hear details.
Yes, I will definitely tell you all about it!
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Honey badger don't give a shit.
Can someone explain to Aksars that his black clothes are more suitable for spring in Sweden not fucking Palm Springs in April where it musta been at least 100 degrees yesterday as it was 90 in LA..
Vanessa what's her name -ok dear- we get it- you wanna look like a hippy for the occasion- instead you look like a twat...
Tara Reid- Jesus-when is this ho gonna get cleaned up?...she ca start by washing that weave...
All in all a tedious bunch -Donalda, Mega and Biba shoulda been there to show them what style is all about....
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
Submitted by louise_brooks on Sun, 04/17/2011 - 9:28am.
Submitted by TrashyWilma on Sun, 04/17/2011 - 12:11am
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Ugh!!!
We have several one-day, huge outdoor concerts here where I live every summer. It's only one day, but still it's a long day -- you're not allowed to bring in any kind of folding chair, no umbrellas, no food, no bottled water -- nothing but a blanket and sunscreen. Of course, bottled water is $5.00 a pop, a small piece of pizza is $5.00, everything is so insanely over-priced and there's long lines, rancid porta-potties, blazing sun, very little shade...all the stuff you were mentioning. :/
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J’en veux énormément à Oasis pour tout le mal qu’ils ont fait à la musique~Jon Savage
Submitted by Deb on Sun, 04/17/2011 - 9:48am.
The Lakers are a good analogy: everyone focuses on the stars in the first few rows, but the vast bulk of the people who go to games are ordinary folks. For a lot of the fans, I wonder how they can afford tickets.
I read Cruel Shoes. He also writes the occasional piece for The New Yorker that's pretty funny.
Crystal Castles, Not in Love
Submitted by Goldigga on Sun, 04/17/2011 - 8:14am.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sat, 04/16/2011 - 4:27pm.
I know I'm old, cuz when I see "Coachella", I immediately cringe and think 'porta-potties'and all the attendant grubbiness and smelliness.
This year I used a porta potty for the first time. It was heinous! There was a handle in there with a sign saying "pump twice to flush". I was freaking out thinking "What if I pump it more than twice? Will it explode and shower shit all over me!??" Our music festivals usually have proper toilets, so this was a huge surprise for me lol
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Oh noes! You have only just been introduced to the hell that is a porta-potty? Last time I was in Oz, the beachside caravan park I was at had regular group bathrooms and several small bathroom blocks right beside the lot you parked your van on and you had a key to it. You paid more for those lots but the bathroom was private and for the use of you and the neigbouring caravan only. No more frantic stumbling around the camp-ground at 2 am looking for the loo. VERY civilized, I loved it!
Nobody does the great outdoors like the Aussies :)
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J’en veux énormément à Oasis pour tout le mal qu’ils ont fait à la musique~Jon Savage
Submitted by louise_brooks on Sun, 04/17/2011 - 9:41am.
Cuppy- I love him! I am so excited to see him live that I actually have dreams about it! LMAO
Have you seen this clip of him on Live From the Artists Den? It's a few minutes about the venue, Ray talks a little, and then they do Beg, Borrow, Steal and Henry Nearly Killed Me.
http://artistsden.com/raylamontagne/
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Thanks for the link!
I am jelly you get to see him! Want to hear details.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Sun, 04/17/2011 - 9:16am.
The gossip sites naturally post pix of celebs, but most of the attendees are normal folks
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That's cool and good to know. I just kind of pictured Coachella as "The Lakers' Game" of music festivals.
BTW, I feel the same way about Steve Martin's career. I get guilt pangs for not enjoying his more mature work as much as the "Let's Get Small" album, "The Jerk", "Dead Men...", and the very funny book "Cruel Shoes".
I could kick myself in the ass for lending out that book to someone that I should have known would never return it, (or read it, for that matter).
My sister sent me "Pure Drivel", and unfortunately, it is.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Cuppy- I love him! I am so excited to see him live that I actually have dreams about it! LMAO
Have you seen this clip of him on Live From the Artists Den? It's a few minutes about the venue, Ray talks a little, and then they do Beg, Borrow, Steal and Henry Nearly Killed Me.
http://artistsden.com/raylamontagne/
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Honey badger don't give a shit.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Sun, 04/17/2011 - 9:28am.
I love Ray too!
Submitted by TrashyWilma on Sun, 04/17/2011 - 12:11am.
I went to Bonnaroo last year. You'd think unlimited music, camping, no laws and unlimited pot would be amazing.
Factor in 100* heat with absolutely no shade, 80,000 people, long lines in the blazing sun for water or for a cold $10 shower, people passing out (or dying) from heat stroke, wookies who ransack your tent when you're not there (everything was stolen from me, and I do mean everything), and port-o-shitters from Hell (feces literally so near the rim of the bowl that you can feel the heat of a thousand others' bowels on your ass cheeks) and you realize music festivals are only meant for fantasy, not reality.
Never again.
I entered a contest to win a trip to Bonnaroo (I'm a huge Ray LaMontagne fan) and am pretty glad I lost after reading your post. I have really nice seats to one of his shows in June.
The only music festival I've ever been to is the first Lollapolooza. Jane's Addiction, Siouxie and the Banshees, Body Count (Ice-T's heavy metal band he had for a minute), Violent Femmes, a huge cup fight and a fire on the lawn. It was a good time, but I can't imagine going to the one they have in Millennium Park. Every hipster from 5 states comes to town, it's 4000 degrees, you can either pay $50000 for parking or ride the train (which is also 5000 degrees), there is no shade, the price for a bottle of water is your first born and a chunk of your soul and trying to get home is a nightmare.
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Honey badger don't give a shit.
Submitted by Deb on Sun, 04/17/2011 - 8:51am.
As much as I love rock 'n' roll, you couldn't pay me to attend Coachella. These LAssholes are everything that real rock 'n' roll isn't.
The gossip sites naturally post pix of celebs, but most of the attendees are normal folks. Find some pix of the crowds in general and you'll see what I mean. The woman from my office who's there is a just a regular 20-something who likes music and fun.
Crystal Castles, Not in Love
Submitted by stake_spike on Sat, 04/16/2011 - 7:54pm.
Dude got old in the face
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My thoughts exactly. Faustino looks spent.
In the 3d to last thumbnail, I like how everyone is fixated on the bartender like he's the Messiah, when in fact they're only thirsty. Skarsgård always looks like a bundle of fun: a dour, unsmiling Swede.
Crystal Castles, Not in Love
As much as I love rock 'n' roll, you couldn't pay me to attend Coachella. These LAssholes are everything that real rock 'n' roll isn't.
Too bad there are no pics of Tara puking into her Uggs at the end of the show.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Sat, 04/16/2011 - 8:42pm.
Submitted by precociousmagpie on Sat, 04/16/2011 - 8:30pm.
Why is RDJ standing all by his lonesome? I don't understand this.
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Yeah, he seems so easy-breezy above it all, no? He looks like he's ice-skating.
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didn't notice RDJ for but a moment, before I became entranced by the she-beast in the blue mini dress in the background.. wow. no words :<
RDJ is looking mighty fine. But what up with his shoes? Shape-ups?
Submitted by Stan Dup on Sun, 04/17/2011 - 8:20am.
Of course Coachella would not be complete if Blohan wasn't there to add more foul smelling odors.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1377650/Coachella-Lindsay-L...
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Hopefully large, unwashed crowds and shit-filled toilets are in her future after her hearing next week.
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Welcome to a world where the people teaching our youth are making 1/20th of what the whores tainting our youth are making. YAY!!!! - MK 4/9/11
Of course Coachella would not be complete if Blohan wasn't there to add more foul smelling odors.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1377650/Coachella-Lindsay-L...
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sat, 04/16/2011 - 4:27pm.
I know I'm old, cuz when I see "Coachella", I immediately cringe and think 'porta-potties'and all the attendant grubbiness and smelliness.
This year I used a porta potty for the first time. It was heinous! There was a handle in there with a sign saying "pump twice to flush". I was freaking out thinking "What if I pump it more than twice? Will it explode and shower shit all over me!??" Our music festivals usually have proper toilets, so this was a huge surprise for me lol
WHERE is Tara the Crackwhore Prostitute getting the cash to attend all these events!?!?
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Hey baby! Did heaven lose a star? 'cause you've got niiiiiiice cans...
Submitted by thereversepeephole on Sun, 04/17/2011 - 5:06am.
the real star of this mess is the silly hipster-pirate kid behind RDJ.
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Agreed!
♥ Threadkilla!
Kelly Osbourne! Eep!
Three Pop Stars, One Song:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6474802/three-pop-stars-one-song-with-...
Count me as one of those people who would rather die than go to one of those music festivals. I'm a boring fogey who prefers recorded music in the setting of my choice.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKZ1sWMo4tw
"Pop Life"
Looking at that picture of David Faustino is depressing me. He kind of looks like a homeless man.
the real star of this mess is the silly hipster-pirate kid behind RDJ.
Taking a break from my studies...damn college is grueling!!! It's going to be 3am!! I thought I'd find something nice to look at, but this is just a bunch of posers that I can't stand. Well, except for Danny, he seems like a cool dude.
all i can say is what the crap is wrong with all of these people? i effing hate a show where i can't sit at the bar and get wasted off my butt. even if it's my favorite band ever playing (which is no longer possible b/c 2 of them are dead and 1 of them wishes he was and bowie prolly has a restraining order). who lives for a week in dirt and other people's piss? people are way wrong.