In Case You Care, Charlie Sheen’s House Raided By The LAPD

The biggest earthquake in over 100 years hit Japan today causing a tsunami of destruction to sweep through the North. Hundreds are dead. More are injured. Even more are homeless. The videos are horrifying. Japan has declared a nuclear emergency. And a tsunami warning has been issued in dozens of countries. What I’m trying to say here is that who really gives a fuck about Charlie Sheen’s stunt queen ass? But this is what I do, so let’s go over this insignificant shit. You can strain your anus muscles while trying to push out a care or you can turn my shit off and continue to watch CNN.

Charlie Sheen’s warlock remake of Brituation ’08 kept humping on the leg of stupid last night when the LAPD showed up to his house on Mulholland after receiving a call that he threatened to shoot himself with a gun. Since hos think that everything Charlie does nowadays is hilarious entertainment, the 911 operator said “#winning” on a loop before realizing that Tony the Tiger’s second cousin once removed is not allowed to have guns. The restraining order Brooke Mueller has against Charlie states that the only weapon of mass destruction he’s allowed to own is the one in his brain. The cops showed up and scanned the place for any fire arms.

While Charlie and his band of YES men ate hamburgers in the backyard, the cops looked under every bottle of V8 labeled Tiger Blood and behind every Chuck Lorre voodoo doll for guns or bullets. TMZ says they only found a rifle from the 1800s and some bullets. Charlie’s lawyer Mike Gross (speaking to the mob of reporters in the picture above) said that the cops didn’t find any other guns and no arrests were made. An LAPD officer said this mess to Radar after searching Charlie’s octagon:

“Mr. Sheen was very cooperative and he is at home. He is not being arrested. The LAPD has completed their investigation. They will not be releasing their findings.”

It’s nice of Charlie to pay homage to Brit Brit’s breakdown of yore, but he’s doing it out of order! It goes: head shaving, umbrella attack and THEN police raid before the 5150. Brush up on your history and try again, Charlie!

And you know that as soon as the cops left, one of Charlie’s goddesses queefed out of a gun cabinet.