Bitch Got Upstaged By A Simple O-Face

Lady Caca spent hours in the fuckery chair this morning getting leftover pieces of Klingon meat glued to her face and Poochie’s freshly hacked up hair ball sewn into the side of her head, and yet my eyes still flutter directly towards the Bettie Page beauty OMG-ing with every muscle in her face. Sometimes all the latex-wrapped cowboy foolery in the world can’t compete against something as simple as the letters W-T-F graffitied over a woman’s face. Take note, Caca.

There’s a good reason for why Caca looks like The Flying Nun after crashing face first into the Trojan factory. She was on Good Morning America today to promote the MAC Viva Glam campaign and talk about HIV/AIDS awareness and prevention. Personally, I’d rather she talk about why the deconstructed Choco Taco on her head doesn’t have any nuts or chocolate on it, but that’s just me. Here’s the morning gospel according to Gaga:

Dressed like a condom? If I opened up a condom wrapper and found that staring back at me, I’d drop it immediately, wipe the Crisco off my ass crack, pull my pants up, get off the alley way ground, tip the hustler something extra and shuffle home to kneel under a cold shower while thinking about my life choices. So Gaga isn’t really promoting safe sex by dressing up like a dick glove. She’s promoting abstinence!