The Empress of Lucite Displays Her Magical Powers In Miami

May 26, 2009 / Posted by:

If you were in Miami over the holiday weekend, you might have noticed extra-sparkly particles of glitter floating in the air. No, it wasn’t only cocaine. It was also the lucite dust that floats off of Shauna Sand whenever she glides above the sand.

The Empress of Lucite and her purse handler (who looks like he can’t believe it’s not butter) spent their Memorial Day beautifying the beaches of Miami. Bette Midler would be so proud. Note to all cities: If you want your beach to make the world’s most beautiful list, invite Shauna Sand. When Shauna’s exquisite lucite heel starts floating above the sand, every piece of garbage will throw itself into a trash can (humans included) and seaweed will slither back into the ocean.

And every scientist on the planet should immediately travel to Miami and gather up the sand the Empress of Lucite’s heel touched, because it definitely holds major healing properties now. One snort of Shauna-blessed sand will suddenly make the un-elegant….ELEGANT!

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