My Mother Is Going To Be Devastated

October 21, 2008 / Posted by:

FUCK! This is old news, but I just found out today. Mervyns is closing forever! Obviously, my mother doesn’t know yet or she would have called me in tears. That used to be her store and now it’s off to the damn glue factory.

I bought all my school clothes at Mervyns and even stole a pink bra from there once (don’t ask). This is fucking awful! Shit! I think I slapped my sister in the face in the middle of a Mervyns. The memories. It’s not right and it’s not okay. If I only knew. I would’ve put together a suck-a-thon or something to save Mervyns.

Mervyns filed for Chapter 11 protection in July. They tried to get help and make that shit work, but they exhausted all their options. They will close all their 149 stores after the holidays. They have been in business for 59 years.

Mother’s Cookies, Zima, Linens-N-Things and now Mervyns?! It really is the end of days. Start exercising your genitals because we’re all going to be whoring ourselves out in other countries soon.

No, everything will be alright. I still have Filene’s and my mother still has TJ Maxx. But if those two close, I’m going to start practicing my ho stroll walk.

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