Zsa Zsa Is At Home Again

The pink satin sheets on Zsa Zsa Gabor’s gilded princess bed were barely warm when she was rushed back to the hospital on Friday after suffering another complication from her hip replacement surgery. The sparkle around Zsa Zsa (like a rhinestone winking) was slowly fading, so she rang her Baccarat bell and asked the nurse to bring her a priest to read her last rites. But the priest never came in, because Zsa Zsa left the hospital yesterday and is now resting at her Bel Air mansion.

CNN reports that doctors were ready to operate on Zsa Zsa, but she declined their offer and said she would take her chances at home. Zsa Zsa’s husband, Prince Frederic Von Anhalt, told the reporters outside of their home, “The doctors did everything they could do. The rest is up to her to whether she recovers or not.”

When Zsa Zsa’s eyelashes take their final bow, she wants to be wearing her white marabou robe and her favorite Danilo wig while surrounded by her 3 Bichon Frise (Names: Dahling, Dahling and Dahling), her chambermaids (Names: Dahling and Dahling) and all her diamonds. So Zsa Zsa is probably ready to sashay off into the light, but she shouldn’t throw in the pearl-encrusted cashmere towel just yet! There’s still bitches out there that need a good slap and Zsa Zsa’s the only one who can do it!

Fantasia And Zsa Zsa Come Sashaying Out Of The Hospital Together

The lustrous rhinestone of Beverly Hills and the sparking sweat bubble of North Carolina were both released from the hospital where they have been seeking treatment for very different reasons. First up is Zsa Zsa! Slap a cop and read on…

Zsa Zsa Gabor was hospitalized almost a month ago after she busted her hip bone while trying to answer the phone during Jeopardy. Zsa Zsa received a new hip and everyone thought it wouldn’t be long before she was sipping champagne out of crystal goblets again, but her condition quickly went from “Fabulous, Dahling” to “Shitty, Dahling” (that’s really what the doctor wrote on her medical file).

Zsa Zsa’s condition has improved enough for her to be sent home. Zsa Zsa’s husband, Prince Von A Hole, told the reporters outside of their mansion, “She smiled already and started flirting with the guys who took her home.” So that plastic chandelier hanging over your Ikea dining table has a reason to sparkle again!

As for Fantasia, she was stuck in the arm with an IV drip a couple of days ago when she overdosed on Aspirin and sleeping pills. Some say Fanny tried to commit suicide, and others say it was accidental. Fanny’s rep only said that she took the pills, because she’s been having a hard time dealing with all the media attention surrounding her relationship with a married dude.

Fanny’s rep confirmed last night that she was out of the hospital and ready to start promoting her album, “She is more committed than ever to her daughter and her work because they are her heart, her soul and inspiration.”

Hopefully while Fanny was slurping on hospital Jello and inhaling the musty scent of her neighbor’s bed pan, she came to the realization that offing yourself over married dick is not the way. In trying times like this, Fanny should ask herself, “What would the wise whore Sienna Miller do?*” Well, Sienna Miller would keep sucking that peen while flipping everyone off. Or she’d replace that previously owned wang with a different one. Fill your mouth with new dick (aka nature’s anti-depressant), not Aspirins!

*Surgeon General’s Warning: Don’t ever take advice from Sienna Miller.