Zsa Zsa Gabor Is Back At Home

Zsa Zsa Gabor is once eating nibbling on slightly chilled chocolate bonbons and sipping on the tears of police officers from a crystal goblet in her bed after a massive blood clot forced doctors to amputate most of her leg. TMZ reports that Zsa Zsa was sent home from the hospital yesterday and doctors have ordered her to stay in her pink satin princess canopy bed for at least two months. A nurse will be on hand 24-hours a day to spoon feed caviar to Zsa Zsa and wash her hair with diamond water.

No Zsa Zsa post would be complete without an ass dingle straight out of her husband’s mouth. Prince Frederic von Anhalt spoke into TMZ’s mic and told them that her hospital bills are going to run them around $20,000. Yes, only $20,000. I didn’t snatch a zero, deep fry it, sprinkle it with powdered sugar and eat that shit. Dude really only said $20,000.

Zsa Zsa spent over a week in the hospital, had major surgery and he’s saying shit about only $20k? That’s probably all co-pays, because my hospital bill would be more than that if I simply went in complaining about how I accidentally sat on an empty lubed-up bottle of Andre. Besides, the diamond tiara Zsa Zsa wears to take a piss is worth way more than $20,000. Somebody needs to hook Prince von Anhalt up to an IV filled with STFU.

Zsa Zsa Gabor Loses Most Of Her Leg

Just start pouring bottles of Andre directly into my mouth hole, because it’s a sad day. After two weeks of doctors trying to do everything they can to save Zsa Zsa Gabor’s ultra graceful leg, they sadly had to amputate most it starting from just above the knee. Zsa Zsa checked into UCLA Medical Center around New Year’s Day after her personal doctor found the bitchiest blood clot of all blood clots in leg. Doctors put her on a shit load of antibiotics, but it was too late.

The good news is that Zsa Zsa did fine during the surgery and her doctors are optimistic that she’ll heal without any major problems. Since Zsa Zsa is 93-years-old, she will stay in the hospital for a little while longer so doctors can monitor her recovery closely.

I’m sure that Zsa Zsa’s place on the chandelier of life will twinkle brightly long after ours goes dim. Zsa Zsa will live forever! I’m also sure that Zsa Zsa will look better than ever in her solid gold prosthetic leg with built-in marabou slipper. Dahlink!

via TMZ

Zsa Zsa Gabor Is Going To Lose Half Of Her Leg

And now here’s some awful news that will make every crystal in the world lose its shine and every single feather wilt like an overheated swan. Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband Prince von Anhalt tell TMZ that a private ambulance is taking her to UCLA Medical Center to have a blood clot in her leg removed. The blood clot has spread so much that doctors believe they will have to amputate some of her leg. Why didn’t Zsa Zsa slap the fuck out of that blood clot when she had the chance? Sads.

Zsa Zsa wanted to spend what could be her last holiday at home, so she didn’t go to the hospital earlier even though doctors advised her to. Prince von Anhalt is finally taking Zsa Zsa to the hospital today, because her doctor said that she could flutter off to the great big chandelier in the sky if she didn’t.

Zsa Zsa has been sprinkling her glamour on the world for 93 years, so she deserves some rest and it’s not right that a motherfucking blood clot had to mess that up. Hopefully, a diamond-encrusted prosthetic half leg will be waiting for her after surgery. Good thoughts in a bubble bath bubble to Zsa Zsa.

Zsa Zsa Gabor Is In The Hospital Again

Seen her in better days breathing in the sweet muskiness wafting off of Burt Reynolds’ stache, Zsa Zsa Gabor once again suffered a medical emergency at her mansion in Beverly Hills this afternoon. TMZ says that Zsa Zsa was lounging on her pink silk princess bed under a crystal chandelier when one of her legs started to swell up like the time her vengeful maid switched her Cle de Peau face cream with St. Ives.

Zsa Zsa’s personal doctor immediately ran up the marble staircase to her bedroom to examine her. Zsa Zsa’s doctor discovered a huge ass blood clot in her leg and called for an ambulance to take her to UCLA Medical Center. Her doctor was worried that the blood clot would travel up her leg and start to fuck with her vital organs. FYI: Zsa Zsa’s doctor has x-ray eyes so do not question his skills.

How many times has Zsa Zsa been in the hospital this year? And how many times does she keep slapping at the angels who try to take her to heaven? Keep slapping those angels, Zsa Zsa, because crystals will stop sparkling and marabou feathers will wilt without in the world.

Prince Von A Hole Has Big Plans For Zsa Zsa’s Body

Oh, I’ve been waiting for Prince Von A Hole’s all-natural crazy to poke out! Ever since Zsa Zsa Gabor started winking at the angels above, her husband Frederic von Anhalt has been polite with his comments about her condition. Prince Von A Hole has been bringing the foolery in heavy doses long before Spencer Pratt was birthed out of a Summer’s Eve box, so I was a little surprised to see him behaving. But Prince Von A Hole is done leaving me thirsty for his crazy, because here it is! I’m glad we all saved a seat for it.

Prince Von A Hole tells Bild (via NY Post) that when Zsa Zsa retreats behind the rhinestone-encrusted gates of heaven, he plans to plastinate her body. You know, like the Bodies…The Exhibition:

He wants the creator of the Bodies exhibit and German anatomist Gunther von Hagens to turn Zsa Zsa’s body into the shell of Mickey Rourke and Janice Dickinson like the picture above. Prince Von A Hole explains, “My wife has always dreamed that her beauty would be immortal. I would like to show the plastinated body of Zsa Zsa Gabor in the context of a scene in one of her films.”

That is the way he wants to honor Zsa Zsa’s elegant beauty?! Put her on display in Las Vegas so that drunks can poke at her muscles and stare at her organs (GUILTY)? Dude is sick.

If he really wants to preserve Zsa Zsa’s beauty and spirit he would turn her ashes into a dozen crystals. And then use those crystals to make a chandelier for the Beverly Hills Police Department. That way the prisms shooting off the chandelier will slap every police officer in the face who comes walking through the front door. That’s a real tribute.

Why are we even talking about this anyways? Zsa Zsa is going to live forever!

Zsa Zsa Is Back In The Hospital

A Rolls Royce ambulance was once again summoned to Zsa Zsa Gabor’s palatial Bel Air mansion this morning after her husband Prince von Anhalt found her “unresponsive.” A rep for the most glamorous woman to ever sashay across this land (next to Shauna Sand, of course) tells KTLA that she is currently being treated at UCLA Medical Center. Zsa Zsa has been in-and-out of the hospital for the past few weeks following hip replacement surgery.

A source tells TMZ that Zsa Zsa’s staff shouldn’t order the custom coffin made out of mother of pearl, velvet and rhinestones just yet. Thankfully, the source says that Zsa Zsa’s condition is not life-threatening. They said that the ambulance taking her to the hospital did not have their emergency lights on. They also said that she complained of body aches and flu-like symptoms.

Even if Zsa Zsa’s life is not danger, you should still put on your finest joo-ree before putting your hands together to say a prayer for her. Those of us who don’t have diamonds, can make our own out of Saran Wrap and aluminum foil. You have to have some sparkly shit on your hands or your prayers for Zsa Zsa won’t work!