Olympic Hero Oscar Pistorius Might Have Murdered His Girlfriend

Well, here’s a shitty and awful story to ruin everybody’s Valentine’s Day. Oscar Pistorius became an instant Olympic hero and national treasure in South Africa this past summer when he made history by becoming the first double amputee sprinter to ever compete at the Olympics. And now Oscar Pistorius is sitting in a jail, because the police in South Africa think that he shot and killed his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp at his house in Pretoria early this morning.

The New York Times says that the local media in Pretoria is reporting that this could’ve been a Valentine’s Day surprise gone wrong in the worst way possible. The rumor (which probably came from the brain of Oscar’s lawyer) is that Reeva planned to surprise him and snuck into his house right before 4 this morning. Oscar heard noises in his house and thought a burglar was inside, so he grabbed his gun, went downstairs and shot Reeva thinking she was an intruder. When the paramedics arrived, they found that Reeva had been shot in the chest, head and arms. She was pronounced dead on the scene.

A police spokesperson Brig. Denise Beukes waved that rumor away and knows that something in the milk ain’t clean about that story. Denise Beukes told reporters that the police have been called to Oscar’s  house before over complaints of a “domestic nature.” Denise wouldn’t say anything else.

26-year-old Oscar was charged with murder and an application for bail is probably going to be denied during a hearing tomorrow. Pretoria was recently named the home robbery capital of South Africa and most people own guns to protect themselves. Oscar said in a New York Times Magazine profile that he owns several guns and keeps them in a display case. The night before his interview with the New York Times Magazine, Oscar said the security alarm in his house went off and he immediately grabbed his gun and went downstairs. It turned out to be nothing.

Reeva was a 30-year-old model, reality star and law school graduate. She had been dating Oscar for only two months. Just yesterday, she was tweeting about Valentine’s Day.

I watch way too much 48 Hours Mysteries and Dateline NBC to believe the whole burglar story. I don’t know how your ass can shoot a burglar four times without realizing that the burglar is actually your girlfriend. I’m looking at that story with a Keith Morrison squint. And if you were planning on surprising your piece this VD, maybe it’s best to just slide a card under their door instead.

Here’s Oscar outside of the police station this morning.

Ed Koch Has Passed Away

Ed Koch, the former mayor of New York City and Judge Wapner’s successor on The People’s Court, died early this morning in NYC of congestive heart failure. Ed was 88.

Ed was in and out of the hospital during the past few months and he suffered from everything from a lung ailment to anemia and pneumonia. The New York Post says that Ed was admitted to the hospital on Monday and when he got worse, he was moved to ICU yesterday.

After serving in the US House of Representatives for almost 10 years, Ed was the Mayor of NYC from 1978 to 1989. Many thought he pulled NYC out of a mound of financial messiness, but there were also a lot of people who felt that Ed Koch closed his eyes and ears to the AIDS crisis hitting NYC in the 80s. Playwright and gay-rights activist Larry Kramer wrote a character based on Ed Koch in his play The Normal Heart and made it perfectly clear that he had zero love for Ed Koch. At one point, they both lived in the same building (AWKWARD!) and in the lobby, Ed walked up to Larry and Larry’s dog Molly and started petting her. Larry pulled Molly away from him and yelled, “Molly, you can’t talk to him. That is the man who killed all of Daddy’s friends.” Molly looked up and Larry Kramer and her eyes said, “Um, you know my ass can’t talk, right?“

Larry also outed Ed Koch, but Ed Koch never came out and said he was gay. But did talk about it to reporters:

“Listen, there’s no question that some New Yorkers think I’m gay, and voted for me nevertheless. The vast majority don’t care, and others don’t think I am. And I don’t give a shit either way!”

I wasn’t in NYC during the 80s, so my only memories of Ed Koch are of watching him smack down tricks on People’s Court while I swallowed a Cup ‘O Noodles. But I wish I was in NYC during the 80s and the 90s and I wish I lived in Larry and Ed’s building at the time, because that’s where the drama was.

RIP, Ed Koch.

Beyonce Talks About Having A Miscarriage

Last year, platinum recording artist Blue Ivy Carter released a song (ft. Jay-Z) and in it Jay-Z rapped about how Beyonce had a miscarriage before getting pregnant with B.I.C. Beyonce and Jay-Z never talked or rapped about it again. But in the HBO documentary about Beyonce, starring Beyonce, directed by Beyonce, produced by Beyonce, edited by Beyonce, catered by Beyonce, costumed by Beyonce, production designed by Beyonce, choreographed by Beyonce and gaffed by Solange (Beyonce had to give Basement Baby something to do!), Beyonce gets deep and talks about the song she wrote after having a miscarriage. E! News says that in the beyoncementary that airs next month, she says:

“About two years ago, I was pregnant for the first time. And I heard the heartbeat, which was the most beautiful music I ever heard in my life. I picked out names. I envisioned what my child would look like…I was feeling very maternal.

I flew back to New York to get my checkup—and no heartbeat. Literally the week before I went to the doctor, everything was fine, but there was no heartbeat. I went into the studio and wrote the saddest song I’ve ever written in my life. And it was actually the first song I wrote for my album. And it was the best form of therapy for me, because it was the saddest thing I’ve ever been through.”

Beyonce never says the name of the song she wrote and she doesn’t say what album it’s on or if it even made the album. And if you need to hug your heart with a puppy after reading that, here you go.

And on a different note, Beyonce’s beyoncementary was put together using the thousands of hours of footage her personal visual director has shot of her over the years and stored in her personal Beyonce library. Beyonce doesn’t stop there either. Beyonce knows of every Beyonce-related moment that has happened on this planet. So look up, you see that spider on your ceiling. That’s not a spider. It’s a camera recording you reading about Beyonce and a ceiling spider camera recorded me writing about Beyonce. We’re not living in a nanny state. We’re living in a Beyonce state!

Here’s a few pictures from Beyonce’s Instagram of her rehearsing for the Super Smoke A Bowl.

Hugh Hefner’s Secretary And The Playboy Mansion’s House Mother Has Passed Away

For the past 40 years, Hugh Hefner has gone through dozens of blonde hos, several wives, hundreds of wet nurses and he’s probably shed his lizard skin at least 1,000 times, but there’s one thing in his life that hasn’t changed and that’s his personal secretary and right hand woman. Mary O’Connor was Hugh Hefner’s personal secretary for 40 years and now she’s in heaven giving love advice to the slutty blonde angels.

Last night, a single tear drop fell into Hef’s tapioca pudding pack as he tweeted about the passing of his main confidante.

“Mary passed away today. We loved her more than words can say.”

Kendra, Holly and Bridget also tweeted about Mary’s passing.

Mary was in her 80s and had been in the hospital with the sicks for a while. Mary held down the office in the Playboy Mansion for a million years and worked for Hef even longer. Mary was regularly on Girls Next Door and she was the heart of the Playboy Mansion. She was a fresh, innocent, sweet flower in a garden full of whores.

Mary is now up in the heavens with Captain Bob. Yes, Captain Bob floated up to heaven too. Hugh Hefner is outliving them all. Hugh Hefner will outlive us all. Rest in peace, Mary.

via People

Mr. Drummond Has Passed Away

And now Todd Bridges is the last surviving member of the Drummond family. Because TMZ says that Conrad Bain, who played Mr. Drummond for all 8 seasons of Diff’rent Strokes, has floated up to the great, big penthouse in the sky where Dana Plato and Gary Coleman were waiting for him. Conrad’s family was with him when he passed away at an independent living facility on Monday night. Conrad was 89 and would’ve turned 90 on February 4th.

Conrad was born in Canada and acted in some plays at the Stratford Shakespeare Festival before he moved to NYC. Conrad acted in a bunch of productions on Broadway before he sashayed onto our TV screens as Dr. Harmon in Maude and the legendary Mr. Drummond. Conrad’s daughter Jennifer said that he was “an amazing father” and “a lot like Mr. Drummond but much more interesting in life.”

Conrad is survived by his daughter Jennifer, his two sons and his twin brother Bonar Bain. Um, is it a bad time to say that I really want to know more about this Bonar Bain?

Rest in peace, Mr. Drummond! May heaven be a place where the phrase “Watcha talking about you know the rest…” is illegal.

Charo, Just Because

Today’s news is filled with nothing but real-life nightmares after real-life nightmares and you kind of just want to get under the covers, crawl to the bottom of your bed and stay there until the world finally collapses. But before you do that, here’s some pictures of international treasure Charo cuchi cuchi-ing in the middle of a parking lot in Beverly Hills yesterday. We need just a little Charo right now and that’s all I’ve got.