Richard Griffiths Has Died

Harry Potter’s Uncle Vernon floated up to the great big Pie in the Sky yesterday at the age of 65. Richard Griffiths died at the University Hospital Coventry from complications after heart surgery.

Before playing Uncle Vernon in all the Harry Potter movies, Richard played the carrot-loving Uncle Monty in Withnail and I and Dr. Meinheimer in The Naked Gun  2 1/2 (his greatest achievement, I know). Richard was also in The History Boys, one of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, Hugo and Sleepy Hollow. Daniel Radcliffe, who was the Harry to his Uncle Vernon and who also worked with him in the stage revival of Equus, had a few words to say to the BBC about Richard:

“Richard was by my side during two of the most important moments of my career. I was proud to know him.”

I know that Richard Griffiths was an award-winning, respected and seriously accomplished actor, but since I’m trash, my first thought after hearing this news was, “He got to see Harry Potter’s peen up close and on stage!”

Rest in peace, Richard Griffiths.

One Of Ashley Greene’s Dogs Died In A Fire That Destroyed Her Condo (UPDATE)

And here’s some shitty and sad news for your Friday afternoon… One of Ashley Greene’s dog is up in heaven now after it died in a fire that broke out this morning and completely destroyed her condo in West Hollywood. Ashley had two dog friends, Marlo (pictured with her above) and Theo, and one of them survived. It’s not known which one died.

Ashley’s rep tells UsWeekly that she wasn’t home when the fire broke out on the couch this morning, but she drove over there as soon as one of her neighbors called to tell her what happened. But TMZ heard a different story. A firefighter at the scene told TMZ that Ashley, her boyfriend (who apparently isn’t Ryan Phillippe) and her brother were out late last night so they were sleeping in. A fire started on the sofa in the living room and after they woke up and realized the whole place was in flames, they ran out of there without the dogs. They all realized that the dogs didn’t run out with them, so her boyfriend and her brother tried to go back to get them, but they weren’t able to. As Ashley’s neighbors tried to control the fire with fire extinguishers, one dog made it out. One of Ashley’s nosy neighbors tells TMZ that before the fire, her brother and her boyfriend were going in and out of the apartment all morning and they heard glass breaking.

If a fire broke out in my apartment, the only things I’d grab would be my bong and my dog. If a fire broke out in my apartment, I’d like to think that my dog would grab me too, but he’d probably just grab the bacon from the fridge. Speaking of bacon, I should probably put back the battery I took out of the smoke alarm in my living room because it kept going off every time I cooked bacon.

Rest in peace, Ashley’s doggy.

UPDATE: TMZ says that a candle was the cause. Somebody left a candle on and it somehow fell on the sofa and started the fire.

Valerie Harper Has Terminal Brain Cancer

Shut down your computer, put on your coat, go home, put on a boho headscarf, grab a bottle of something mind numbing, pick up your pet of choice (if you don’t have one, steal one off the street) crawl into bed, pull the covers over you and hug the bottle and your pet of choice, because Valerie Harper’s got terminal brain cancer and her doctor has given her three months to live. And oh People Magazine, the place where you announce you’re gay, announce you’re getting married, announce you got married, announce you’re having a kid, announce you had a kid, announce you’re getting divorced and announce that you’re saying goodbye to the world.

Rhoda Morgenstern and Jason Bateman’s TV mom battled lung cancer in 2009 and just a couple of months ago her doctor told her that she has a rare and terminal type of brain cancer. Valerie tells People that she has leptomeningeal carcinomatosis, “a rare condition that occurs when cancer cells spread into the fluid-filled membrane surrounding the brain.” Valerie’s doctor told her that she has less than three months to live. How in the hell do you tell someone that they have three months to live? Do you do it while holding a tiny kitten wearing a sombrero? Even a tiny kitten wearing a sombrero wouldn’t soften that news.

But 73-year-old Valerie is being positive and tells People, “I don’t think of dying. I think of being here now.”

Well, this is just sad and this feels like the kind of post that should end with a song.

Bradley Cooper Doesn’t Want To Win An Oscar

Bradley Cooper has joined Joaquin Phoenix and Ethan Hawke in the anti-Oscar club, but he has a different reason for why he thinks winning an Oscar is about as important as taking a dump. (FYI: Taking a dump is way more important than winning an Oscar, because you could die if stop taking a dump, but you won’t die if you don’t win an Oscar. Unless, you’re name is Anne Hathaway, because she totally would’ve died if she didn’t win that Oscar.)

When I read the headline, “Bradley Cooper Doesn’t Want An Oscar,” I figured that he was going to say that he already has enough gold-plated dildos at home and he doesn’t need another one. But B. Coop tells GQ UK (via Metro) that watching his father die made him realize that winning an Oscar means nothing. Yeah, way to take us to Sad Street, B.Coop. B. Coop hurt Anne Hathaway’s Oscar-loving emotions when he said this:

“Death became very real. And very tangible. Because my father – someone who had been in my life for 36 years is just fucking gone. I watched him dying and I was there by his bed watching him, breathing with him, and then I saw his last breath and he was gone. I experienced the whole thing. And that was a watershed moment that I was privileged to experience. And it changed everything. Nothing has ever been the same since.

You know William Blake’s Songs Of Innocence? Well, right there, in that moment, the innocence was gone. Done. Never to return. The beauty is that I just don’t sweat shit any more.

My father gave me two gifts – having me and dying with me. I used to be the kid that got the shakes if I had to talk in public; now, I just don’t get nervous about stuff. I can’t control everything. I watched my father die and I realised that is the way we are all going to die. For me, it was a switch from knowing something intellectually to knowing it by tangibly experiencing it. It rewired my neurological system. It almost did the opposite of motivating me. It was about keeping the main thing the main thing.

I don’t want to win an Oscar. It would change nothing. Nothing. The things in my life that aren’t fulfilled would not be fulfilled. Career-wise, right now, it’s better that I don’t win one. I don’t want to win. I don’t.”

B. Coop did this interview before the Oscars, so he probably knew he had zero chance at winning and he might as well spit on the Oscars, because #YOLO. I totally picture a shirtless, sweaty B. Coop sitting in a dark corner and saying to himself “I don’t want to win. I don’t. I don’t want an Oscar. I don’t want one” while punching a picture of Daniel Day-Lewis holding an Oscar.

B. Coop is telling the truth though. Winning an Oscar means nothing. It’s not like winning one gets you special privileges in heaven. (Cut to decades from now when all of us are eating cloud slop with the other simpletons in heaven’s mess hall as Anne Hathaway eats prime cut cloud meat in the VIP Oscar winners only section.)

R.I.P. Ann Romano

Bonnie Franklin, who everybody knows as Ann Romano from One Day at a Time (and if you don’t know what One Day at a Time is, then you must be 12 and you should quit school immediately and really educate yourself by watching TV Land all day), died at her home in Los Angeles this morning. Deadline says that her family announced she died of complications from pancreatic cancer. She was 69.

Bonnie started out in theater and she was nominated for a Tony in 1970 for singing and dancing in Applause. Bonnie went on to do a bunch of theater stuff before landing the role of Ann Romano in One Day at a Time. Bonnie played the role for 9 seasons and after the show ended, she had a few guest roles on TV shows and directed a few episodes of Charles in Charles. She reunited with Valerie Bertinelli on an episode of Hot in Cleveland.

Bonnie’s husband of 29 years Marin Minoff died three years ago.

Rest in peace, Bonnie Franklin. We’ll all tap dance today in your honor.

And somebody should reboot these videos, but instead of calling it “I Hate To Exercise, I Love To Tap,” they should call ’em “I Hate To Exercise, I Love To Fap.” I’d buy every single video in that series.

Mindy McCready Dead At The Age Of 37

Country singer Mindy McCready committed suicide this afternoon in Arkansas. MyFox8 and E! News says that Mindy shot herself to death in Heber Springs, Arkansas. Mindy was recently committed to a treatment facility for alcohol abuse and mental health issues. Mindy checked two days after she checked in. Mindy was only 37.

A member of Mindy’s family confirmed the sad news to Fox 17 in Nashville. Mindy has been in a bad way for a while. Just a month ago, Mindy’s boyfriend David Wilson and the father of her 9-month-old son Zayne shot himself to death. David’s family threw a side-eye at Mindy, because they think she had something to do with his death and she denied it over and over again. Mindy was on Celebrity Rehab and tried to dry out several times. She also tried to commit suicide a couple of times before.

When Mindy was committed, her two sons, Zayne and 6-year-old Zander, were taken from her home and put into foster care.

I blame it all on Roger Clemens. Mindy started a 10-year-long affair with Roger when she was just 15 years old. Mindy’s life did the slow wall slide after that. I know that Mindy’s life was a Lifetime movie and a sad country song, but I really thought that maybe just maybe Mindy would kick all her demons (as they say) and have a comeback.

And I just want to close my ears to everything Dr. Drew will say about this.

Rest in peace, Mindy McCready.

UPDATE: And here’s ten more dollops of sadness. Mindy also shot her dog friend too. Rest in peace, Doggy McCready.