Vanessa Hudgens Has To Pump It Herself

There’s no way Zac Efron is going to fuck with the pretty (or his manicure) by pumping gas. Zac is way too fragile and pristine for that business, so he forced his main homegirl Vanessa Hudgens to get her ass out of the car to fill up her own hole. Something tells me she’s used to sticking foreign objects into a gassy hole. And Zac just smiles.

Zac should try it sometime. Pumping gas that is. When I lived in L.A., one of my favorite things to do was to stick it in, stand back and just inhale the fumes…. This is explains why I only have half a brain cell that you have to hit to get working.

Leave Pregnant Dude Alone!!!!!

Well, there’s only one problem with that. I don’t think the Pregnant Dude wants to be left alone. You know, when he first came on the scene, I felt a little overprotective of him. The more I look at him, the more he’s really starting to look like my dad. I know I called him “hot” before, but I take that all back (times ten), because he now reminds me of my dad. And my dad pretty much always looked 8-9 months pregnant. But he didn’t have a baby in there. He had a fucking brewery growing in his belly.

I go back and forth with this whole situation. At first, I applauded Pregnant Dude because I felt he was just telling the world that some bitches are different and there’s nothing wrong with that. I didn’t mind that he posed half-nekkid for magazines or gave interviews. I didn’t even blink when he said he was writing a book about the whole thing. But then he announced that he was knocked up again and started doing the talk shows round. I mean, in the pictures above from Friday, he’s on his way to a TV show in Spain. What’s next? A reality show? A recording contract? And then before we know it he’s going to be flashing his genital parts while getting out of cars in front of Villa.

But then again, I’d rather see paparazzi pictures of him than a million pictures of MileyVanessaHudgensTisdale or any of those other dumb whores. I don’t know. I’m torn.

You know what has offended me about these pictures? The Louis Vuitton bag! Come on, Pregnant Dude! Have some taste! If he’s going to be whoring himself out, he needs a stylist!

Raffy Is Not Having A Good Time

Get out the Bounty and wipe the crocodile tears off your face, because Raffaello Follieri is not having a lovely autumn. Why you ask? It’s because he’s in fucking prison! Duh. What the hell did he expect? A merry gay orgy with endless supplies of lube, Baby Wipes and Donna Summer? WRONG. He got the gay orgy but without the lube.

Raffy Fullofshitti was sentenced to 4.5 years in the chokey for messing with Jesus. Raffy is currently being held at some joint in Brooklyn waiting to be moved to his permanent home. Even though his current home is temporary, he’s still bitching about it. Raffy’s lawyer filed a motion with the judge asking for her client to be moved, because his current cell conditions are gross.

He’s bitching that the toilets are nasty, there’s shit in the showers, rats are running around everywhere, the food is rotten, the stench is unbearable and he has to share a cell with 120 other dudes. That shit sounds better than some of the NYC apartments I’ve lived in!

His lawyer also said that the conditions have made him sick, causing him to run a fever. There’s also blood in his piss. Wait. Has he ever fucked Wonky McValtrex?

Wah! Wah! Wah! Yeah, I’m sure he would rather be sleeping in a KMart bathroom (that shit is wretched), but such is life. He just needs to stick a finger in his brown eye, make himself another grilled cheese sandwich on the radiator and shut his Zach Braff-wannabe lips.

Source

Raffy Gets Four And A Half

Annie Hathaway’s former beard Raffaello Follieri was sentenced to four and a half years in the chokey today for messing with Jesus. Zach Braff’s clone pleaded guilty in September for wire fraud, money laundering and conspiracy after he pretended to be the CFO of the Vatican. He stole millions from investors.

In addition to serving four and a half years in the concrete resort, Raffy also got 3 years of supervised probation. He will start serving his sentence today.

Something tells me that’s not the only sentence that was handed down to him today. This bitch ass has earned a prime spot next to us on the Winnebago to the 9th circle of Hell.

I wonder how Annie took the news? She was probably eating a chunky tuna sammy, looked up, pulled a celery string out of her teeth, shrugged and then kept chomping.

Raffey Gets Five

Anne Hathaway’s ex-beard, Raffey Folliero, was sentenced to 5 years in the chokey today for messing with God. Raffey pleaded guilty to all 14 counts against him for pretending to work for the Vatican and stealing around $6 million. During his plea, Raffey told the court, “I know what I did was wrong.”

What a moron. I would’ve said, “It wasn’t me. It was Zach Braff.” DUH.

TMZ reports that Raffey also asked the judge to move him from his holding cell because of “unspecified inmate issues.”

Inmate issues?! Does it burn when he pisses?

It sounds to me like Raffey might be sharing a cell with Antonio “I like beating men over the head with my 8-inch sausage” Vasquez.

The FBI Has Anne Hathaway’s Diaries

The FBI raided Raffey Follieri’s Trump Tower apartment and took a ton of shit including Anne Hathaway’s private diaries. Rush & Molloy reports that they also seized a bunch of personal photos of Raffey with Anne, Pope John Paul II, Bill Clinton, Cindy McCain and other hos.

The FBI hope Anne’s diaries and the other shit can help build their case against Raffey. Raffey was charged with 11 counts of fraud and money laundering for pretending to be the CFO of the Vatican in order to do a bunch of hood rat stuff.

Raffey is still in jail and Anne wants nothing to do with him. She’s changed all her phone numbers and hasn’t spoken to him since she dumped his ass days before his arrest.

There’s probably nothing major in those diaries. Anne Hathaway is every shade of boring. Her entries probably look like this:

“Dear Diary,

No matter what I do I can’t get this awful fish taste out of my mouth. I’ve tried brushing with baking soda, rinsing with vinegar and nothing. It just won’t go away and people are starting to ask questions. I know I could stop eating fish, but I just love the taste. I’ll ask Heather Matarazzo what to do. She’ll know.

Love, Kisses and Sushi,
Annie

P.S. – I think my beard might be stealing from the pope or something. I’m not sure.”