Doogie Howser Is A Daddy!

The home of Neil Patrick Harris and his partner David Burtka will soon be invaded by a gigantic cloud reeking of Similac saliva, diarrhea-infused Balmex and the hot tears of sleepless nights, because their surrogate has birthed out a double dose of BABY!!!!!! NPH took to his Doogie Howser desktop, of course, to type out the announcement on his Twitter page:

Babies!! On 10/12, Gideon Scott and Harper Grace entered the Burtka-Harris fold. All of us are happy, healthy, tired, and a little pukey.

Harper Grace sounds like the name of a New England-inspired line of bed linens and towels sold exclusively at JcPenney, but the name Gideon Scott works for me. It reminds me of this kid in the second grade named Gideon who told me that I ran like a woman. He didn’t say “girl,” he said “woman,” so therefore it’s a compliment!

Betty White Rules The Schmemmys

The Creative Arts Emmys (or the Schmemmys as Kathy Griffin has officially dubbed them) is the Emmys’ grown step sister who still sits at the children’s table even though her ass cheeks don’t fit on the tiny stool anymore. Well, she temporarily got up from the children’s table last night for her big moment in the spotlight. And she didn’t disappoint, because she did the right thing by honoring international treasure Betty White for her triumphant performance on Saturday Night Live!

Unfortunately, Betty wasn’t there to accept her award, because the show cut into her nap time and nothing is more important than nap time. No, Betty didn’t go because she gets tired of people throwing themselves at her feet and handing over their babies (or trophies) for her to bless.

Surprisingly enough, Betty didn’t win every award last night. Illegal, I know. Others won too. Here’s just some of the winners (full list here):

Best Guest Actress in a Comedy: Betty White, “Saturday Night Live”

Best Choreography: Mia Michaels, “So You Think You Can Dance”

Best Voiceover Performance: Anne Hathaway, “The Simpsons”

Best Main Titles Design: “Bored to Death”

Best Main Title Theme Music: “Nurse Jackie”

Best Guest Actor in a Drama Series: John Lithgow, “Dexter” (he accidentally thanked HBO instead of Showtime!)

Best Guest Actor in a Comedy Series: Neil Patrick Harris, “Glee”

Best Variety Writing: “Colbert Report”

Best Commercial: “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like • Old Spice Body Wash”

Best Reality Program: “Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution”

Best Reality Host: Jeff Probst, “Survivor”

Best Guest Actress in a Drama Series: Ann-Margret, “Law & Order: SVU” (she receives the only standing ovation of the night)

And here’s some pictures of the winners including: Neil Patrick Harris double fisting, Ann-Margaret, John Lithgow, Gaycrest, Isaiah Mustafa (with Jon Hamm), and Jeff Probst with his girlfriend Sheetal Sheth.

Doogie Howser Is Going To Be A Daddy!!!

E! News reports that Neil Patrick Harris and his partner of forever David Burtka (who is throwing us a “Yes, Doogie checks my no-nos’ heartbeat with his peenoscope every night, thankyouverymuch” smirk in that picture above) rented themselves a prime womb and are now expecting TWIN BABIES!!!! in a few months.

A source says that NPH and David have already started making plans for a baby shower. The source also said that the “beautiful surrogate” (as opposed to a dog ass ugly surrogate) is going to give birth this October.

So far NPH hasn’t confirmed or denied if he’ll be wiping up newborn slobber (make that two servings) and drowning in a mountain of Baby Wipes (insert Terrence Howard jealous face) this fall.

If this is true, congrats to NPH and David. I’m sure their twin babies will be coo-ing and gurgling the melody to every popular show tune by the time they’re 6-months-old. NPH’s babies: Already more skilled than me and their asses aren’t even born yet!

UPDATE: NPH Tweeted today that it’s a fact that he’s expecting twin chirruns with his partner. He Tweeted this: “So, get this: David and I are expecting twins this fall. We’re super excited/nervous/thrilled. Hoping the press can respect our privacy…” And here’s hoping he names one Doogie and the other one Howser.