Kathy Griffin Calls Bristol Palin “The White Precious”

Thanks to Kathy Griffin, I now have the image of Sarah Palin sitting her ass in a pleather rocker and taking drags from a cigarette in between yelling at Bristol for not plucking all the hairs out of the pig’s feet. And Bristol, how in the fuck is Sarah supposed to eat pig’s feet without no collard greens? Actually, it would be moose feet and boiled pine cones. But I digress.

Kathy Griffin went and did it! Bitch forced the troops to attack her ear holes with a whole lot of BITCH BOOM BYEs at the Vh1 Divas Salute the Troops concert on Friday night (that shit aired last night). Kathy brought up Dancing with the Stars and then joked that Bristol is the only contestant who got fatter as the weeks went by.

Kathy put it like this: “She’s the only contestant in the history of the show to actually gain weight. No, come on, come on. She gained like 30 pounds a week, I swear to God, it was fantastic. She’s like the white Precious.”

Either the troops fap for Bristol and they didn’t appreciate Kathy calling her ass fat. Or the troops fap for Precious and they didn’t appreciate Kathy comparing her to Bristol. Either way they poured boo after boo onto Kathy.

As soon as Bristol finished cleaning up the broken pieces of the analog TV her mom dropped into the stairwell from above, she burped out this response to Pop Tarts: “The audience’s reaction to this ‘comedian’ spoke volumes, and the decent people I know would probably have booed her, too. I hope people didn’t have to pay money to hear her negativity and criticisms when you can watch my mom do that shit for free!”

You know, I’m disappointed with Tripp who obviously wrote this Bristol! In the last statement she released, she name dropped both KD Lang and the Indigo Girls! But yet she didn’t pull out one famous name from the 90s for Kathy. Couldn’t she have dropped Paula Poundstone’s name, or even Rita Rudner? Someone. And Bristol also forgot to use the word “canard” again. We’re going to need a refund.

via HuffPo

Damn, Steven Cowan Is Still Mad!

Just a few days after Elvis incarnate Steven Cowan was thrown behind bars for kissing his TV screen with a silver bullet over Bristol Palin’s dancing skills, another act of terrorism has been committed against Mama Grizzly’s cub. Only this attack smelled like a baby’s ass crack. Dancing with the Stars almost became DANCING WITH ANTHRAX last night when a staff member opened up a hate letter addressed to Bristol Palin that contained a mysterious white powder in it.

Now, if The Hoff was still around, he couldn’t snorted it up and accurately named what it was and what chemicals it contained. The Hoff is a one man lab. But since he was prematurely kicked off the show, they had to bring in the FBI and the LAPD. The FBI evacuated the studio and production offices while they tried to figure out if the white powder was more toxic than the shit the dancers smear all over their bodies.

After initial testing, the FBI tells TMZ that the mysterious white substance of death turned out to be nothing but talcum powder. WILLOW, how could you steal talcum powder from Trig to drop into an orchestrated hate letter that will garner sympathy from the public and get more votes for Bristol?! Use doughnut dust next time.

But seriously, some hos need to sit down with themselves and reevaluate their life choices. I mean, murdering TVs and wasting talcum powder over a stupid dancing reality show and Bristol Palin? It’s not like it’s RuPaul’s Drag Race! Now that’s some shit to bring the rage over!