Vadge Got Denied!!!

Brace yourself and hold your breath, because the shit is about to go down in Malawi! Vadge is this fucking close to spreading her crotch and sucking the entire country up her roidy-cooze, because they actually said NO to her ass! She will destroy them!

Yes, a judge in Malawi denied her request to adopt baby Mercy! The judge said that he just couldn’t let it happen, because Vadge does not have residency in Malawi. She needs to have lived in the country for at least 18 months. Vadge was able to adopt David in 2006 without having to live in Malawi. Bitch probably thought it was going to fly this time, but ho was wrong. Sit down and move over!

Vadge was expecting to take her newest purchase back to New York today, but the sale has been canceled!

A source told The Sun that Vadge was “splitting blood” (is that a roid side-effect) when the judge attacked Vadge for thinking that she can easily just come to their country and pick out any baby she wants, because she’s hot shit. The ruling stated:

“Put simply courts do make law by the process of precedence and Miss Madonna may not be the only international person interested in adopting the so-called poor children of Malawi.

By removing the very safeguard that is supposed to protect our children the courts by their pronouncements could actively facilitate trafficking of children by some unscrupulous individuals who would take advantage of the weakness of the law of the land.

Anyone could come to Malawi and quickly arrange an adoption that might have grave consequences on the very children that the law seeks to protect.

“Having considered this then, at the end of the day I must decline to grant the application for the adoption of the infant CJ.

Vadge’s lawyers have not said whether or not they are going to appeal, but you better believe this isn’t over! Vadge will not be denied! She’ll find a way to get back at them! Like maybe she’ll make a sequel to Body of Evidence and only release it in Malawi. That would really ruin them.

But at least Baby Jesus has the crib all to himself now.

Bring The Child Heeeeeeeeeeeeere

The whores over at The Sun say this is the first picture ever taken of Vadge with a crossing guard. Oh and that’s also Mercy holding Lourdes hand. You know, the little orphan girl that Vadge is trying to get her mutant veins on? I haven’t looked at my Ty Ty’s Telling Stories Wit Yo Eyez Handbook to confirm this, but I’m pretty sure Mercy’s is saying “HEEEEEELP MEEEE!” with her eyeballs. SOS eyez!

But you know what’s even more disturbing about this picture, VADGE IS FUCKING WEARING A FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING FANNY FUCKING PACK! Why does she look like my aunt on vacation in Puerto Vallarta wearing a towel as a skirt, a hat she bought at the airport from a dude who totally ripped her ass off and a fanny pack on her waist. Doesn’t Vadge already have a built-in fanny pack: her roidy cooze?! The terror! Poor Mercy is going to be raised by a bitch who wears a fanny pack!

Image: Splash

A Baby Robber In Africa!

Vadge and her face made from the labia lips of a thousand virgins arrived in Africa yesterday to open her net and catch every child she comes across. Because Vadge is saving Africa! It’s her Africa! But not everyone thinks that. Vadge will show her face in a court in Malawi today to make the final layaway payment on 3-year-old (or 4-year-old) Mercy James, but the child’s memaw is trying to stop the adoption.

Lucy Chekechiwa, Mercy’s memaw, is telling the papers that Vadge is nothing more than a baby robber! Baby Jesus‘ mom will co-sign that. Lucy said she made an agreement with the orphanage Lucy is living at that when she turned 6, she would come back home. Lucy’s mother and father have both passed away a while ago. Lucy went on to say, “Why doesn’t this singer pick other children? It is stealing. I want to go to court, I won’t let her go.”

I’m sure Lucy will feel a lot better when Vadge places a warm bundle of cash money in her arms. When she burps her new money baby, dollars will fall out instead of vom! That’s got to be better.

Lucy isn’t the only bitch in Africa that wants Vadge to get the fuck out. Some villagers are apparently pissed that she’s building a girls’ school around their parts. Well, she calls it a school, but we know it’s just a shopping center for Vadge to personally go and pick out some new accessories!

The villagers are saying that they have been told that their gardens and houses have to be torn down in order to make way for The University of Baby Roids. A government official said the villagers will be compensated by Vadge’s foundation. When a journalist asked Vadge if she was worried about the situation, she shouted back, “NO!”

Well, I guess it could be worse for the villagers. Yeah, they won’t have a fucking roof over their heads or a damn garden to pick food from, but Vadge could’ve bought them instead.

I’m Begging You For Mercy!

The head bitches in Malawi have spoken! Vadge is indeed in their parts to pick up a little 3-year-old handbag, I mean, a baby named Mercy!

Officials tells UsWeekly that Vadge has been eyeballing Mercy for a while now. Vadge first spotted Mercy during a window shopping trip in Malawi three years ago. An official said, “The adoption is going ahead. It has been at an advanced stage for some time. The girl is from the Mchinji Home of Hope orphanage. She has no father and mother, they both died…We finished the assessment yesterday in readiness for the courts next week.”

The only problem Vadge could face is the fact that her roidy pussy is single and free. Another official from the Child Welfare Department in Malawi said they don’t really like to send babies to broken homes.

I once knew a girl name Mercy in high school. Let me tell you something about this burgundy-haired ho. Bitch wanted to be a chola in a bad way, but she just didn’t have the forehead for it. Her upper eye area didn’t look right with painted cholita eyebrows. Her forehead was like too short or something. She looked like a Muppet. You have to be born with the right face to hold exquisite eyebrows like that. It’s all in the genes. Anyway, this trick stole $5 out of my hand when I was going to buy a lemonade at Hot Dog and a Stick! I never got my lemonade or my big wiener. Mercy, if you’re reading this, I got your number bitch! You owe me a hot fucking dog!

I’m sure Vadge’s Mercy is nothing like my Mercy, but I still want to give her the side-eye just in case.

Orphans Of Malawi, RUN!!!!!!!

Vadge will pull the broomstick out of her ass, hop on it and fly all the way to Malawi this weekend to get herself another one of those baby things. You know, so she can have a matching set.

An official bitch in the welfare department of Malawi confirmed that Vadge has submitted her big bag of money, I mean, her application to adopt another kid. Vadge’s case could be heard as soon as this Monday.

The story going around the internet is that Vadge sent one of her slaves to Malawi to look at the goods and pick out the shiniest one before her arrival.

Oh, Vadge! Her days are already filled important shit like bathing her face in ice cold blended placentas and bench pressing Baby Jesus with her roid-lips, so how on earth is she going to find the time to raise another child? Oh yea, she’s going to use a little thing called an army of tortured nannies!

VIA The Sun

Afternoon Crumbs

Note to self: Doing yourself on an airplane can get you into trouble. T-girl Elvis Crespo learned the hard way – Guanabee

Carmen Electra bares her wonky plastic sacks in Maxim Mexico – Egotastic!

How big is your Twitter dick (I’m not talking about John Mayer)? – Scandalist

Arthritis is cute! – Jezebel

Jim Carrey is a star at faking gay sex – Towleroad

Camilla Belle dumped Joe Jonas for an overcooked sweet potato – Lainey Gossip

Anna Faris joins the No Pants, Crotch Out Club – Hollywood Tuna

Nick Cannon is going to shave off his dick bush as a gift to Mimi for her 39th birthday – Hollywood Rag

Roger Federer flashes his furry boobies – Just Jared

Adrian Grenier must be wearing some thick ass vodka goggles (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

It’s always feels good to get flipped off by a baby – Cityrag