Open Post: Hosted By Ruth Frith

100-year-old Ruth Frith proved that great memaws still know how to handle a heavy ball. At yesterday’s World Masters Games in Sydney, Ruth won the gold medal in shot put after she threw the ball 4.07m. Ruth, who was the oldest chick at the games, was the only one to compete in the women’s 100 to 104 aged shot-put, but she still threw that ball like it belonged to Jon Gosselin. Ruth said, “I only had to turn up to win the medal, but that wasn’t going to be good enough for me. I had to show everyone that I could still do it.”

In order to get her bones ready for the event, Ruth bench pressed 35k weights 5 days a week. Ruth doesn’t let any of the sweet nectar pass her lips and she stays away from ciggies. Ruth also puts up a stop sign when it comes to vegetables. When asked what her secret to staying so active is, Ruth said, “Don’t eat vegetables, because I never eat vegetables. I know people that like diets that will scream at me, (but) don’t eat vegetables. I never have.”

Not only is Ruth an expert ball-thrower, but she’s also the wisest person I know through the internet. I’ve been trying to find a reason for becoming a sugartarian, and now I have finally found it! When my doctor asks me why my skin is grey, I will tell him that Memaw Ruth has advised me keep all vegetables away from my plate. The only green thing I need goes in a bong. Memaw Ruth for Queen of the Wooooorld!