Open Post: Hosted By Aubrey Plaza’s Ad For “Wood Milk”

April 24, 2023 / Posted by:

Back in the ’90s, those “Got Milk?” ads had everybody chugging the white stuff by the carton (or the bag, if you’re Canadian). But, in recent years, dairy milk sales have declined, due in part to the growing popularity of plant-based milks like soy, almond, and oat. Enter Aubrey Plaza. AdWeek reports that she’s starring in a commercial for something called “wood milk”. It’s the world’s “first and only milk made from wood”, and, if that sounds gross, don’t worry; it’s completely made up. The ad is actually a parody of plant-based milks from MilkPEP (the Milk Processor Education Program). Yep, Aubrey’s helping Big Dairy get back on their hooves.

The parody ad is directed by Hannah Levy and co-written by Neil Casey, both of whom are SNL alumni. In the commercial, Aubrey walks through “wood milk orchards,” espousing the wonders of wood milk:

“Have you ever looked at a tree and thought, ‘Can I drink this?’” the Parks and Recreation alum asks while staring lovingly at her muse and caressing various other timber. “I did!”

Through shots of her frolicking through “wood milk orchards,” Plaza assures viewers, “We’re certain that our artisanal milk will be the only milk you’ll want to drink for the rest of your life. Why?” She then quickly shifts into her trademark deadpan tone: “Because I said so.”

38-year-old Aubrey explains that wood milk is made by squishing wood into a slime “that is legal to sell.” She finally takes a seat at a table with four different types of wood milk: mahogany wood, oak wood, hickory wood, and original wood. After taking a big gulp of splintery wood milk, she says, “Got wood?” Then, she bursts everyone’s bubble by explaining that, actually, wood milk isn’t real. “Only real milk is real… then what did I invest in?” Here’s the ad:

Aubrey’s commercial is cute and all, but I’m a soy milk bitch ’til the day I die. Anyway, nothing will ever top this “Got Milk?” ad, which has haunted me since childhood:

Pic: YouTube

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