Open Post: Hosted By “Edward Scissorhands”, Fort Worth’s Mysterious Overnight Tree Trimmer

Spooky season is in full swing! Creepy ghosts, evil witches, horrifying murderers, and mysterious overnight tree trimmers. Maybe you haven’t heard of that last one, but, believe me, they’re out there! People reports that some dude is walking around a Fort Worth, Texas neighborhood at 3:00 AM, and randomly pruning peoples’ trees. The residents call this guy Edward Scissorhands, and while he’s probably not as nefarious as the real-life Johnny Depp, he’s still pretty creepy.

The unidentified trimmer’s actions have been caught by several home surveillance cameras. The mystery man, who’s usually accompanied by a dog, is seen trimming the trees and then stepping back to admire his work. Apparently, his visits are becoming more and more frequent. CBS News DFW spoke to (the delightful) Jerry Balkenbush. After he discovered a big pile of tree branches in his front lawn one morning, he figured it was storm damage:

“I was talking to my wife Emily and I was like, ‘Hey, we had a storm last night,’ and she was like, ‘Oh no, that’s Edward Scissorhands.’ And so I was like, ‘Uhhh, WHAT?!'”

Residents are annoyed because this dude is hacking away at some of their trees! Also, homeowners are financially responsible if the tree needs to be replaced. Ashley Thomann explains:

Sometimes he’ll just take a little bit, but then, in other people’s trees, he’ll take massive gabs. Cuz we’re all liable for those trees per our HOA, so if something happens to the tree, everybody is paying hundreds of dollars per tree to replace them. So that’s part of it. And the other of part it is, that’s somebody else’s property. We also don’t want anyone to get hurt either.

Ashley’s husband Danny Thomann says, “We really just want him to stop doing this.” Here’s the news report:

Some residents have filed police reports, and an investigation is underway. I, for one, am fascinated. What are Edward Scissorhands’ motives? Is he merely a mischief maker, or does he pine for perfectly pruned plants? Or is this some sort of long-con revenge thing? Maybe somebody from this neighborhood wandered by his house and mindlessly plucked a leaf off his tree. And now he’s out for (tree) blood! Ugh, the options are endless! Speaking of options, option this shit for a miniseries and cast Danny McBride as the perpetrator.

Pics: YouTube