Hot Slut Of The Day!
Koogle!
Nutella didn’t splatter onto the tongues of Americans until the early-80s. So in the 1970s, Americans had to settle for Nutella’s less-fancy American cousin KOOGLE! Koogle was a peanut butter spread made by Kraft and it came in several flavors. But sadly for me, I never got to taste Koogle’s Banana Peanut Spread, because it was gone by the mid-70s. But I’m sure that someone’s auntie has an old jar in the back of her kitchen cabinet and thanks to preservatives, I’m sure that shit is still good!
Kraft put Koogle on the shelves in 1971. Its main ingredients were peanuts, vegetable oil, and sugar and it came in three flavors: cinnamon, banana, and chocolate. This post at NothingButNostalgia says that its texture was “unique” and you didn’t have to pry it off the roof of your mouth with a putty knife like you have to do with peanut butter sometimes. And that’s thanks to the lube of the cooking world: oil.
It had a very unique and smooth texture, which didn’t stick to your mouth, possibly due to a higher concentration of oil.
Koogle was marketed toward kids and so Kraft created a mascot for it. And the mascot… well… I think we found one of Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s swollen balls:
And in the commercial, Jessica Walters’ high-pitched-voice twin spreads some Koogle on a slice of bread for her kid as the jingle singer sings, “here comes Koogle, the crafty, surprise,” which really sounds like, “the crappy, nutty surprise.”
Of course, there’s many Koogle-like peanut butter spreads out today, so Koogle was simply too FORWARD for the palates of Americans in the 70s. But Koogle’s memory still lives on, because empty jars of it go for up to $100 on eBay. So if your grandma is anything like my abuelita and kept every single jar she ever owned, check her kitchen cupboards now. You may find a treasure trove full of empty Koogle jars. That shit’ll make you rich!
Pic: Decades