Hot Slut Of The Day!
Cristobal Leyva, the only TikTok dancer who truly matters!
Addison Rae may have over 82 million followers on TikTok for giving people the dancing skills of an over-streamed piece of rutabaga, but while she’s busy destroying She’s All That and pressing her lips against Trump’s naranja-stained ass, Cristobal Leyva here is showing her 481,000 TikTok followers what dancing truly is. Cristobal has quickly become one of my favorite STAHs of TikTok, and I’m not lying when I say she’s a pioneer of dance. By the end of the year, I’m sure we’ll all be trying to do The Cristobal. And I say “trying” because we’ll never be able to twirl out the artistry that Cristobal twirls out.
I did extensive research (read: a 15-second Google search) on Cristobal Leyva and the only thing I could find out about her is that she was born in the state of Puebla in Mexico and now lives in Savannah, GA, but I couldn’t find much beyond that. Cristobal is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside of a ballerina music box shaking during an earthquake. But who cares about the details of Cristobal’s life. You only need to know that she pours her heart out onto the world, which is her stage. Below is Cristobal performing one of her signature moves. From the waist up, she’s giving you “trying not to barf on a malfunctioning Tilt-O-Whirl,” and from the waist down, she’s giving you, “trying not to piss while barefoot line-dancing on a bed of hot coals.” This IS the move!
@cristoballeyva1
Cristobal came prepared in those elegant high-heeled rainboots because she knew the haters would flood the streets with their tears as they cried with jealousy over her having fun while delivering some hot moves. Here’s Cristobal performing her signature move outside of a Target:
@cristoballeyva1
Fun fact: The day after Cristobal posted that video, Walmart stock plummeted to record lows. That is the truth! But Cristobal is not a one-trick pony. She is a treasure chest of endless dance moves. Here’s Cristobal turning Dollar Tree into Million Dollar Tree with another hot move:
@cristoballeyva1
And here’s Cristobal starring, along with a McDonald’s hamburger, in the only Dirty Dancing reboot I approve of:
@cristoballeyva1
There are a million more videos like that on Cristobal’s TikTok page. And I am patiently waiting for ABBA to let everyone know that from now on, their classic masterpiece Dancing Queen is about Cristobal Leyva because she’s the only Dancing Queen we need.
Pic: TikTok