Hot Slut Of The Day!
The Embarrassed Racoon!
There’s a very good reason why that raccoon looks like you when a family member walked into a darkened living room to find you binge-watching Too Hot To Handle while surrounded by a massacre scene made up of empty Blue Bunny ice cream pints, Stouffer’s French Bread Pizza crusts, crushed White Claw cans, and dirty bowls in which you ate cake batter soup from. Or like me when I bought a movie ticket for one to that Halle Berry movie Kidnap and had to say, “One for Kidnap. Yes, just for one… on a Saturday night…” Or like my Grindr trick after busting a nut and realizing they just fell into a low point by having sex with me. In other words, that raccoon is all kinds of embarrassed!
Earlier this week, the City of Dalton Fire Department in Dalton, GA posted on Facebook about how they had to put on their Captain Save-A-Ho hats (although, a fire fighter’s helmet is already a Captain Save-A-Ho hat) to rescue a raccoon. The raccoon ALLEGEDLY broke into a human’s house looking for food and then got stuck in there. So the fire department was called to escort the alleged criminal out. The raccoon wasn’t arrested so there is no mug shot, but Dalton Fire Department did post a picture of what they think is the raccoon thinking, “Oh no, my wife is going to kill me over this.”
We were called out to help this guy find his way back out of a house in Dalton Monday night. As you can tell, he was pretty embarrassed about it, but it’s really nothing to be ashamed of. We all need a helping hand every now and then.
After helping our new friend out of the jam, we were able to take him to safely release him back into the wild where he’ll hopefully be less adventurous in his search for snacks from now on.
Any raccoon expert will tell you that raccoons are born without the giveafuck gene, meaning it’s scientifically impossible for them to give a fuck, so I don’t think that raccoon is embarrassed. Trick is probably just doing the “NO PICTURES!” pose. And I have always thought that raccoons could surpass bears and cats in taking down humans and becoming the new overlords of the world. I mean, they have tamed alligators and gone through all of our trash cans so they know our secrets. And if raccoons do take over, you better believe that the “Embarrassed Raccoon” is going to be looking at us chained-up humans like, “Who’s ’embarrassed’ now, bitches?!”
Pic: City of Dalton Fire Department