If you’ve seen the video for WAP, Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion‘s ode to gynecologists everywhere, hen you know that they’ve successfully thrown together the Quarantine’s first (and so far only) chicken choking contribution for the culture. Perhaps they should rename it FAP because I’m sure more than just a video was released on the day it premiered, if you know what I mean. Well, Cardi doesn’t just want to stop there. She is now twerking her way on over to OnlyFans, AKA the Masterpiece Theater of Masturbation, to create her own page. But she wants everyone to know that it’s NOT because she’s ready to replace her microphone for a vibrator in the next step toward becoming 2020’s Vanessa del Rio.
Whenever I think of OnlyFans it reminds me to buy more lotion, because what other reason is there to login other than getting off? Apparently there are other things going on over there that don’t revolve around some hot dude charging $25 a month for you to watch him play Madden in a jockstrap for three minutes. Not that I would know anything about that, of course. Well, Cardi wants everyone to know it ain’t that kind of party with her page.
According to The Verge, Cardi let her fans know in an Instagram video that she’s not about to show any WAP, TIT, or ASS on OnlyFans. She’s primarily focused on showing behind-the-scenes content, including unseen footage during the making of WAP.
Her page, which reads “WELCOME TO MY WORLD,” is accessible for $4.99. “I wanna know what my fans would like to see there,” she says in the video. And to be clear, “no I’m not going to be showing my titties, or my pussy, or my ass,” she adds. “Just straight up real-life content shit. You guys be mad nosey when it comes to my life.”
Cardi even tweeted about her confusion over using OnlyFans and it sounds like something a sexy memaw would ask her embarrassed grandkids in a text.
How the fuck I go live on onlyfans? Wtfff
— iamcardib (@iamcardib) August 12, 2020
So far Cardi only has one post that has been liked by hundreds of her fans. I’m going to assume those were the folks who needed a break in between finding that perfect video to end their evening with, all while checking Cardi’s page periodically and asking themselves “Is she naked yet??” Clearly Cardi realized that continuing her tearful, expletive-laden rants on Twitter and IG was basically giving the milk away for free so now she’s going to milk everyone for $5 a pop to do the same shit she was doing on social media.
And she’s not the only famous person who jumped on over to OnlyFans. Dorinda Medley, Shea Couleé, Safaree Samuels and his wife Erica Mena, all have pages on OnlyFans. But fuck them, they ain’t Cardi and this is a huge deal! This also may be the beginning of a trend where OnlyFans moves out of the seedy realm of late-night/bate night delights into more mainstream content. But then again, Blac Chyna also has an OnlyFans page and she charges $50 for freaks to drool over her feet so there’s still hope.