Open Post: Hosted By The Domino’s Wedding Registry

Clearly someone at Domino’s Pizza decided they had to come up with some kind of promotional thing involving coronavirus and then they threw a dart at a board and it landed on the word: “Wedding.” Because Domino’s Pizza is now in the wedding registry business. Specifically, a postponed-wedding registry. So if you know any people who aren’t exactly high-class broads and love shit pizza and have a wedding to plan or cancel, then Domino’s has the perfect promotion for you! Considering how things are going for Prince Andrew, this may have to be how Princess Beatrice has to celebrate her marriage.

Domino’s has announced that they will be doing a Rain Check Registry and Wedding Registry for coronavirus-bound engaged couples. They explained it like this in a press release:

“Domino’s knows that wedding planning is exhausting. Replanning a wedding due to a pandemic is twice as exhausting. Now friends and family can send couples pizza to show their support with Domino’s new Rain Check Registry, on dominosweddingregistry.com.

Domino’s Rain Check Registry is filled with everything the pizza-loving couple will need to get through long days of creating change-the-date cards, negotiating with florists and rescheduling honeymoon plans. Gift card packages include “Virtual Bachelorette Party” and “Vendor Call-A-Thon” among other postponed wedding registry options.

The way it works is that a couple creates the registry and then shares it with their invitees who send them Domino’s gift e-cards. Kate Trumbull, Domino’s VP of Advertising, said:

“We created Domino’s Wedding Registry because pizza-loving couples have shared over the years how Domino’s pizza was a part of their big day. With so many weddings being postponed or scaled back in 2020, we knew those couples might need some extra love from those around them, because everything is better with pizza.”

How many people are really writing to Domino’s to talk about how magical their wedding was because of the diarrhea their Hawaiian pizza gave them? But really, I already have to buy a wedding gift and put on pants for the ceremony and now Domino’s wants me to get the couple a pre-wedding gift of rubbery pizza? And I don’t even get to experience the extreme satisfaction of watching my order go through all the stages on the Domino’s tracking app! No thanks.

This is the kind of thing that only someone like John “No Longer Papa John” Schnatter would be interested in, too bad he’s not engaged, last I checked. And even if he was, if you’re trying to buy enough pizzas to satiate him you may go broke first.

Pic: Domino’s Wedding Registry