Open Post: Hosted By The Social Distancing Shoe

June 4, 2020 / Posted by:

Burger King invented social distancing crowns. Restaurants are using social distancing bumper tables. Now is the next iteration of post-coronavirus life: social distancing shoes! We’ve moved into the realm of clothing and accessories, people! Take a peep at these ridiculously long shoes which will have people thinking, “Ew what the fuck are those?”You know what they say about big feet?

UPI says that a Romanian shoemaker has tried to promote social distancing through his new creation. The shoes are “size 75” and each pair is about 2 and a half feet long. Its creator, Grigore Lup, is a cobbler from the city of Cluj, and said the shoe came to him in a moment of inspiration when he noticed people failing to follow social distancing guidelines. I mean, who doesn’t see people not standing far enough apart and think to themselves: “What if their shoes were comically long? That would keep them apart!” Also these sort of just look like flaccid Mexican Pointy Boots.

The shoes are designed so that if two people are wearing them they will be forced to stand 5 feet apart. Unless they’re standing side-to-side… or only one person has the shoes on. I’m seeing a few holes in Grigore’s plot here. Each pair is available online for about $115.

If you can actually walk around in these shoes you won’t need to worry about social distancing because ain’t nobody going to want to interact with you socially dressed like a fucking fool. But listen, the next time Ronald McDonald has a business meeting or a formal event, he knows where to go!

Pic: AXA Magnolia

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