Open Post: Hosted By An Ocean City Bar Using “Bumper Tables” For Social Distancing

May 21, 2020 / Posted by:

As some cities begin to open up after the COVID-19 quarantine, restaurants are coming up with creative ways to keep their customers away from each other, like using blow-up dolls, mannequins in old-timey drag, and private little greenhouses. And Fish Tales Bar & Grill in Ocean City, Maryland has also found a way to try to prevent customers from coughing up coronavirus on each other.

Restaurants in Maryland are still only open for takeout, but when restaurants are allowed to offer outdoor seating, Fish Tales is ready with their “bumper tables”. They’re basically giant inner tubes strapped to walkers, which feature a flat surface for your food and a cup holder for drankin’. Alrighty then.

Here are the bumper tables in action:

Fish Tales has received ten of these things, and are ready to use them once Maryland’s governor gives them the OK to re-open their oceanfront patio. They’ll also make hand sanitizer and face masks available for customers. A foolproof, virus-free scheme!

Here’s how this revolutionary new social distancing invention came to be, via WBALTV:

The tables are the brainchild of Revolution Event Design and Production. Company founder and CEO Erin Cermak is cousins with Donna Harman, who, with her husband, Shawn Harman, owns Fish Tales.

Ah, of course. A wacky inventor cousin.

Shawn Harman described the tables as basically an “adult version of a toddler walker.” Revolution makes them at its warehouse and production facility in Baltimore.

Shawn went on to say:

“It’s a fun way to get through a crappy experience,” Shawn Harman said. “They’ve been received quite well. It has turned out to be, if nothing else, a tremendous marketing event. We have plans to order some more.”

This idea is equal parts ridiculous/genius. Pros: If you get too drunk and fall into the ocean, you float instead of drown. Cons: You look like an idiot.

But ever since Fish Tales posted about the bumper tables on social media, Erin’s company has been inundated with orders to manufacture more. Oh god, is this our future? Dining in tubes? Getting wasted in tubes? Pissing ourselves in tubes? I, for one, welcome our new tube overlords.

Pic: YouTube

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