A while back, the world sent us a stinging reminder that true love had, in fact, died and been buried six feet under, when it was discovered that Pamela Anderson and her “husband” Jon Peters had filed for divorce after only 12 days of “marriage“. Well, by now, this story has completely worn out its welcome and I’d be happy to dig up that love, pry open the coffin and slap the shit out of whatever’s inside for continuing to flood my airwaves with yet ANOTHER update. We simply cannot handle any more!
In the latest installment of this neverending saga of nothing, Pamela admits again that there was no marriage. And they never consummated their everlasting love by fucking.
According to Us Weekly, Pamela recently gave an in-depth interview with The New York Times, and in it, she claims that, despite what the 74-year-old film producer might think, she was never married to him and that they were, in fact, just friends––and still are.
““I wasn’t married. No. I’m a romantic. I think I’m an easy target. And I think people just live in fear. I don’t know what all that was about, but I think fear really played a lot into it.”
“It was just kind of a little moment,” she explained. “A moment that came and went, but there was no wedding, there was no marriage, there was no anything. It’s like it never even happened. That sounds bizarre.”
Pamela Anderson? Saying something bizarre? No way! But that’s not all. She digs deeper, giving us some much-needed context as to how the whole non-relationship thing blew up.
“I was in India and I went to this panchakarma cleanse, and I’d been gone for three weeks in this ayurvedic center, meditating, just so clear,” she recalled. “I came back and VWOOM, within 24 hours, I saw Jon. It was like this little whirlwind thing, and it was over really quick, and it was nothing. Nothing physical. It’s just a friendship.”
Ahh, that’s more like it. A ‘whirlwind thing’ after spending three weeks in an ashram in India. No Pam story would be complete without a little bit of delusion masquerading as normalcy. Why do I feel like “ayurvedic center” is code for “holed up in my bedroom writing love letters to Julian Assange that will never be answered”?
Pamela remains firm about her take on the whole thing: no wedding, no public make-outs, no videotaped liaisons––those are SO 1999! Instead, she’s made it clear that she’s only got THREE marriages under her belt: Tommy Lee, Kid Rock and Rick Solomon.
Since this timeline will likely never go away, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear a response from Jon any day now, contradicting this no-marriage thing even though he’s moved on to the woman he dumped to fake marry Pamela. And if so, how is Pamela going to handle it? Can you imagine being ashamed to admit to marrying a powerful film producer, but NOT ashamed to admit to settling down with anyone in that greasy trio of regret above?
For any of you slimy creeps out there (she’s definitely got a type) who are still hanging onto the idea that you’ve got a shot with Pamela Anderson, you should know that she hasn’t completely ruled out another marriage.
“Absolutely! Just one more time,” she said. “Just one more time, please, God. One more time only. Only!…Three marriages. I know that’s a lot, but it’s less than five,” she laughed.
Awww! Keep your chin up, Pamela. You know what they say, “the fourth dirtbag’s a charm!”