If you know anything about the marriage between yodeling mess Amanda Palmer (of The Dresdoll Dolls) and fantasy writing mess Neil Gaiman (author of The Sandman series, Good Omens, Stardust, Coraline, American Gods, etc…) then you’d probably be shocked if they got through this quarantine without dramatically splitting up at least once. Well, your body will not have to suffer through the shock of finding out that Neil and Amanda’s marriage made it through the quarantine without any messiness going down because they have split up.
Amanda let everyone know that Neil is in the UK after leaving her and their 4-year-old son Ash in New Zealand. And Neil pretty much confirmed that his marriage is in the shit can and asked for privacy from everyone. Um, Amanda just told the world that Neil abandoned her and their little kid and ran off to a whole different country during a quarantine. I don’t think anyone needs to snoop since the messy details of their marriage’s demise are probably going to come from INSIDE THE HOUSE (read: Amanda’s Patreon blog).
59-year-old Neil and 44-year-old Amanda were in quarantine in New Zealand because they were there for her tour when the lockdown happened. Amanda is still in NZ, but Neil is not. Neil and Amanda have been tweeting and posting pics on Instagram throughout the lockdown, so their fans knew they were in quarantine together. But on May 1, the day after Amanda’s birthday, Neil tweeted that he was jetlagged. That apparently made people ask Amanda about where Neil is, so she tweeted that he left her with nothing but broken heart pieces and later wrote a longer note on her Patreon.
i posted a few more words here. i love you all so much. i love neil. this is all very hard. thank you for your care.
i got you if you got me, people. https://t.co/6R4G61z7FC
— Amanda Palmer (@amandapalmer) May 4, 2020
In Amanda’s Patreon post, she thanked those who have sent her words of support, said that coronavirus isn’t to blame for this, and has no plans to tell everyone the probably messy details of why Neil ran off to his homeland of the UK:
all i can say is that i’m heartbroken, i really am profoundly struggling and i need to call my community to me like never before. i need you.
i am so far from home and so alone right now. i do not know what is going to happen.
so you all know: this did not happen because of COVID or lockdown, though the timing is comically bad; other things came to light after we got here to new zealand.
in fairness to all, and to keep little ash (who will not always be little) protected, the details aren’t for the public.
Neil confirmed that he and Amanda are going through it and also put a Privacy Please sign on the door to his marriage:
I see @amandapalmer has told people that we (like much of the world) are going through rocky times right now. It is true, we are. It's really hard, and I'd like to request privacy (as I'm not going to be talking about it publicly) and kindness, for us and for Ash.
— Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself) May 4, 2020
A day after Neil started this drama by tweeting he was jetlagged, Amanda tweeted some ~CrYPtiC~ shit that has caused some people to think that Neil passed the peen to a side trick behind Amanda’s back:
you cannot claim a commitment to an honest life while lying as a casual side-hustle.
how you do anything is how you do everything.
— Amanda Palmer (@amandapalmer) May 2, 2020
And last month, Amanda let us know that she and Neil are the gothy art school student version of Kristen Bell and Dax Shepherd because they nearly committed plate manslaughter while fighting about something extremely important:
holy moly. marriage tensions at an all-time high here in the palmer gaiman household, kicked off by, of all things, a heated argument about whether people in the UK know what “duck duck goose” is. there was shouting and plates nearly thrown. day 15 of quarantine, signing off. ♥️
— Amanda Palmer (@amandapalmer) April 10, 2020
Well, do they?!?
Neil and Amanda announced that they were a thing in June 2009. (Neil has denied the rumor that he left his first wife and their three kids for Amanda.) They got engaged in January 2010 and in November of that year Amanda threw my idea of a nightmare wedding (a flash mob wedding) for Neil’s 50th birthday. That ceremony was not legally binding, but they eventually made it legal in January 2011. They have talked about having an on-and-off-again slutty marriage (aka an open marriage) and that “we’ve both shattered one another’s hearts occasionally through bad choices, but our relationship stands it”.
Yes, Neil leaving his wife with their young child in a different country during a lockdown when he could’ve just rented a house down the street is a shit move, but well, at least he didn’t try to hurt Amanda by faking his own suicide and recording her response to finding his fake dead body like she did to one of her boyfriends. So, there’s that!
And now that Neil and Amanda are done (for now), she can reunite with her real true love. I’m talking about her stunning brows, which look like rifles that were drawn by an amateur calligraphist on meth during a bumpy flight.