They say money can’t buy you happiness. Well apparently, money can’t even buy you a sensible pair of shoes to stand in while talking about patchouli oils, crystal healing and whatever else Oprah Winfrey went on about on her North American wellness tour. You had ONE JOB, Oprah! Stand there and let the minions tear themselves apart for simply being in your holy presence.
So far, Oprah’s 2020 hasn’t been a raging success. She’s been caught up in multiple controversies this year, including that Russell Simmons documentary and that American Dirt book (all while apparently making Mo’Nique’s life a living hell). That’s quite the number of fires to have to put out…and it’s only March 1. You would think by now that the stars would realign and she’d be able to reclaim her “untouchable” title. Think again.
This tour, Oprah’s 2020 Vision: Your Life in Focus, made a stop in L.A. yesterday, and anybody lucky enough to have snagged a golden ticket (literally, tickets go up to $299) got in. And while that title is making my eyes roll harder than Gayle King’s backpedaling, it is at least now finally managing to pay for itself with the comedy.
After making an entrance to rapturous applause from a sea of Karen haircuts, Oprah started in on how easy it is to find balance in your life––especially when you are a billionaire. But that’s when things took a turn. Like, a big turn. These are some of the last words spoken before Oprah lost her footing and FELL! ONSTAGE!
“Here’s my definition of what wellness means to me… Wellness to me means all things in balance. And balance doesn’t mean all things are equal or at peace at all times…SPLAT!
Oprah’s shoes, which I’m sure cost $50,000 each, are being blamed for causing her to take a tumble on stage while delivering a speech about, of all things, balance. The jokes write themselves, but in case you’re a visual learner like me, here’s a clip of The Mighty O in action.
Oprah falls down at one of her speaking shows today.
We wish her a speedy recovery. pic.twitter.com/mMPFthIkZM
— Pop Base (@PopBase) February 29, 2020
Once she regained her composure, and after the sonic wave of horrified audience gasps leveled off, Oprah continued her set barefoot before a terrified PA fetched her a more comfortable pair of shoes. Can you imagine paying to see Oprah talk about wellness while she stands there in her bare feet? That’s the level of DGAF I hope to achieve for my 2020.
Ever the good sport, Oprah laughed it off, proving that she is human after all and can take a joke at her own expense. However, if those shoes were a person, I’m sure they would have “disappeared” by now.
“Thank you so much…It’s nice to be talking about balance and fall.”
Fingers crossed for 2021, Mama O!