Five and a half years ago, Dean McDermott earned himself a gold star in dumbass decisions by cheating on his meal ticket Tori Spelling with a woman named Emily Goodhand while filming in Canada. It was news that probably made Candy Spelling sigh and think, “Good, one less mouth to feed. I’ll get the divorce papers.” But of course that didn’t happen, because Tori and Dean filmed a reality show about it (True Tori), and continued to make a million more kids. I half expected Tori to take advantage of The Deaner’s five-year cheaterversary with a follow-up series called AdulTori: Five Years After The Betrayal. Instead, we’ve got Dean talking about it on his new podcast.
Us Weekly says Dean opened up about cheating during the inaugural episode of his podcast Daddy Issues. Dean told his co-hosts, comedians Adam Hunter and Nicky Paris, that his dad wasn’t really around much after his mother passed away when he was 15. So he didn’t really get much advice, and he had to learn how to be a man on his own. That came with plenty of mistakes, like the cheating he did while shooting Chopped Canada back in 2013. Dean blamed his dick for that decision:
“I really, really wish that I had been given the knowledge of think with your head, not your penis, because I did a lot of thinking with my penis…It’s so not about the person you’re with. For me, it wasn’t about T. It was about inadequacies in myself, I felt so bad about myself, I felt like a piece of shit, I needed to do that to feel some kind of power. It was horrible and I’m an asshole, piece of shit for doing it, [but now] our relationship is better than ever. That was a rough Christmas, we came out the other end.”
Who could have guessed Dean was internalizing so much self hatred? So you mean all this time, when I was picturing him ripping around recklessly on his motorcycles, he wasn’t day dreaming about slamming brewskis and tail watching at Hooters, but berating himself over his implied shittiness? That’s deep. At least he knows know that it was his penis’ fault for doing Tori dirty. And maybe he can use that excuse the next time the tax man comes knocking on their door looking for money. “Hey buddy, I know you want me to pay my taxes, but that’s a no-can-do. Adding up all those dollars make Dean’s brain work not too good, and when I need a mental siesta, my Deenis is in charge. And last time I checked, a dick can’t hold a pen to sign checks, so….”