Watching Prince William Go Bald Traumatized Rob Lowe

May 28, 2019 / Posted by:

You’d think one the greatest traumatic moments of Rob Lowe’s life would be squandering his St. Elmo’s Fire fame by starring in the TV movie Square Dance as an intellectually challenged boy and getting universally panned, but it’s not. What really traumatized Rob was watching Prince William’s hair fall out. I guess there’s no age limit to being a vain, petty pretty-boy. According to Daily Mail, while promoting a new show on ITV where he plays an American cop in England, Rob was asked if he thought he was more or less vain than your average British man. Apparently, that delightfully shady question was just what was needed to get Rob to take the bait.

After claiming that “British men set a low bar”, Rob used William as an example.

‘Can we talk about William? The future king of your country let himself lose his hair!’ the 55-year-old actor joked.

‘Honestly, one of the great traumatic experiences of my life was watching Prince William lose his hair. He’s going to be the fucking king of England!’ he exclaimed in an interview with the Daily Telegraph.

‘And there’s a pill! The first glimmer that a single hair of mine was going to fall out, I was having that stuff mainlined into my veins. And that’s what I did for the next 30 years,’ Lowe said, citing his personal effort to keep his healthy mane

I’m sorry, I drifted off there thinking about a hot threesome involving myself, Jason Statham, and a golden scepter. Is there also a pill that makes you mind your own business? Rob’s been relying on his chemically and surgically preserved meat wagon his entire career. What happens when the wheels eventually fall off? It’s going to be like in Raiders of The Lost Arc when that one Nazi looked at the Arc of the covenant and his face melted off. In short order, Rob will be an out-of-work actor best remembered, for a short while before fading into absolute obscurity, for pretending to play the saxophone while wearing a single feather earring. And William will be King of England. And I’ll be the widow Statham. Everybody wins but Rob.

Pic: Instagram

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