Open Post: Hosted By Cardi B Teaching The People The Difference Between “Ass” And “Pussy” 

May 2, 2019 / Posted by:

Cardi B has already given us political commentary, financial advice, and tips on larceny. And she’s ready to show us more of her expertise: Medical knowledge. Cardi nearly flashed her B (that’s either B for butt or B for bagina, depending on who you ask) at last night’s Billboard Music Awards. And after fans talked about it, she decided to give a quick lesson on the placement of a woman’s ass versus her vagina, which–according to some of my girlfriends–some guys have trouble telling apart.

People reports that Cardi B is tired of the people of the world not having proper anatomical intelligence. She appeared on the BBMA red carpet in a yellow two-piece showing off all the purposeful work she and all other Hollywood women have thrust upon their ab-workouts (or ab-painting sessions) after giving birth to a child and being forced to look “hot” again quickly. Not only did we see Cardi’s new flat baby-fat-free stomach, she also showed us her leg up to here in a slit skirt… and maybe she showed a bit more.

The internet zoomed into Cardi’s pictures when she started putting her leg up on her man again and her skirt rode up. Some said she flashed her vagina, and she responded with:

“Y’all motherfuckers going around with this fucking picture now y’all photoshopping it even more like, ‘Oh Cardi pussy! Cardi pussy!’ First of all, that ain’t my pussy. My pussy right here. This where I birthed my daughter from. This right here, the part that shows, you know, when I go like this: that’s just my ass. You know when you got a fat ass? That shit gets fat right there. This the part right here? This the part that gives the dick comfort. Know what I’m saying? This the part when you go like this, in and out, that’s what this nigga feel. That’s my ass. Y’all want to look at my pussy so bad? You should’ve went to see me when I was a motherfucking stripper and I was promoting myself like, ‘Come see me!’ Now, too bad!”

Cardi deleted the video because, I mean, she’s rich she obviously has a PR person who saw that and called her immediately–but luckily it was captured forever by the Internet:

This is a lesson and a half. I learned more from watching Cardi B than I ever did from health class, let me tell you. I feel ready to identify both an ass and a pussy! Cardi B has all the elegance of a $2 rum shots night being held at a half-nightclub/half-buffet on a Wednesday with doors opening at 11:00pm and last call is 3:30am and the first person arrives at 12:57am. And I will never get tired of it.

Here’s Cardi B with all her awards from the night and maybe an alleged picture of Cardi’s ass-gina:

Pic: Wenn.com

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