Since the 25 things we know about Lindsay Lohan are basically the words “I’m A Mess” written 25 times she has decided to sit down with Us Weekly and clue people in about a few things that we may not know about her. One thing’s for sure, the 26th thing is probably that she’s addicted to Twitter and needs to keep her crazy ass off of there for a while.
Recently, Lindsay took some time out from shimmying to promote her reality series Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club which always makes me want to fire whoever came up with that title because it’s so basic. The again, this is a show Lindsay’s attached to and she’s more basic than 1 ply toilet paper. However, of all 25 things she revealed these are the ones that stand out the most.
2. I delete my Instagram at the end of every year for a fresh start.
No, you delete your Instagram every year because you’re an insane mess who probably has a rare moment of clarity on December 31 while scrolling through your page like, “Oooh girl, why did you post that? -delete- Did my titty slip out in this pic?-delete” then you just say Fuck it and delete the whole page to start over. Don’t try to give us the enlightened answer, we want the real!
5. My favorite app is Velocity Black.
Oh, there’s no surprise there Lindsay since Velocity Black is an app that allows members exclusive access to high end events and experiences. Basically, it’s an app for rich douchebags with lots of extra cash to do dumb shit like use a submarine to watch their caviar being scooped from the ocean floor before re-emerging to the surface where a table awaits so you can eat it while it’s still fresh. What Lindsay fails to mention is that in those instances she’s the one scooping up the caviar, not eating it.
11. I work with SuperYachtsMonaco as a yacht broker.
Oh, is that what yacht girls are called now? Yacht brokers? Good to know!
16. I collect art. I have pieces by Banksy and Mark Ryden.
By “collect art” I’m sure she means “I get rich dudes to buy me things so when the cash gets low in a few years I’ll have lots of expensive shit on display at my yard sale.” You’ve got to read between the lines or you’ll miss the true meanings.
22. I have over 20,000 pairs of shoes.
Once again, for the yard sale.
25. I loved the book The Honeymoon by Tina Seskis so much that I bought the rights to make a movie, which I’ll star in and codirect.
I’m sure Tina would be just as flattered with a very nice review on Goodreads because if you take her book and turn it into a movie you’re only going to ruin her work with your one-trick-pony style of acting. Just stick to reality TV and Twitter beefs because nobody wants to see you act anymore. Honestly, I didn’t think it would be possible but Lindsay comes off kinda real with her answers. Real blah. Real name-droppy and still really annoying as usual.
You can read the rest here if you want.