Who Is January’s Hot Slut Of The Month?

February 21, 2019 / Posted by:

The first Hot Slut of the Month battle of 2019 is coming around a little late, because our Hot Slut of 2018 was crowned on January 25, and I wanted to give Queen Judge Rosemarie Aquilina enough time to elegantly sashay across the catwalk while waving at her new loyal subjects. Or maybe I was waiting to see if she’d use her powers to shut down this lump of dried smegma balls called a blog for giving her the title of Hot Slut of the Year. But she hasn’t, so we’re in the clear! For now.

So now let’s vote for who should be in the running to inherit Queen Judge Rosemarie’s illustrious HSOTY crown next year (and again, that’s if she doesn’t use her judicial powers to shut this bitch down). As always, the first three got the most Facebook likes for the month, and the last HSOTM finalist is a wild card picked by me. Your choices for January are:

The Fiji Water Girl, the model (government name: Kelleth Cuthbert) who turned the Golden Globes into The Fiji Water Girl Extravaganza (featuring the Golden Globes) when she won a gold medal in photobombing by stealing dozens of shots from celebrities. She’s also given us the legal drama of 2019 with The Fiji Water Girl vs. Fiji Water.

The Texas Walmart Blossom, the new mascot of Walmart who got the cops called on her in Wichita Falls, TX  after she drank wine out of a Pringles can while riding a mobility scooter through the emporium of elegance that is Walmart. That picture I used above is from an Etsy store selling Pringles can wine tumblers inspired by this modern day Lady Godiva.

Towel Cat, Marie Kondo’s nemesis who lives to fuck up your neatly-folded towels. Or maybe that puss is a future-seer and knew about the stupid towel fight that was going to go down on Twitter and that was its reaction to it.

Bad Chiitan, the unofficial mascot of Susaki City in Japanese who wreaked havoc and spread fuckery all across the city and created the real political drama we want.

Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be announced next Wednesday!


Pics: Getty, Etsy, YouTube, Instagram

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