The slyly THOT-ful Darren Criss, 32, got married. The Glee refugee and television serial killer married his lady love of eight years, Mia Swier, in New Orleans yesterday according to Us Weekly. Darren wore an all-white tux. What a slap in the face to all of us that white tux is. Why not keep it elegant yet simple by wearing a tuxedo speedo, Darren? You’re always wearing wacky shit anyways!
Darren and Mia got engaged in January of last year. People reports that they were married at a New Orleans hotel with his former Glee co-stars Lea Michele, John Stamos, Chord Overstreet, and Harry Shum Jr. in attendance.
Darren and his bride are brave types for inviting Lea, because we know ALL about her grandstanding ass and she probably got them to let her sing with the band and then she probably wouldn’t get off the stage until she had performed every song from Funny Girl. Sit down, Lea. Why invite that chick when you could have invited a positive representation of grandstanding such as Darren’s American Crime Story co-star Judith Light?
We know what Darren does, and Mia is a writer and producer for FOX. Here’s pic of Darren in his virginal white tux and Mia:
See Darren Criss and Mia Swier Ride Off in Style After Their Wedding https://t.co/wRLTfcgKS4
— E! News (@enews) February 17, 2019
How Mia married Darren is beyond comprehension. Didn’t she watch The Assassination of Gianni Veresace: American Crime Story? Besides Edgar Ramirez’s fake Gianni Versace scalp, Darren as crazy hooker/preppie/lie-teller/serial killer Andrew Cunanan is the most terrifying thing going on Netflix right now. Jesus please us, he even managed to make (SPOILER ALERT) go-go dancing around in bikini briefs utterly disturbing. It might have been because his character was holding a sharp object while flamboyantly sashaying around the hotel room while his trick was suffocating to death on the bed. It also might have been because he was dancing to “Easy Lover”. Yeah, it was probably that last bit.