I’ve always had this dream of running into the HR department of my nine to five gig, shouting “I Quit!” and then breaking out into the Sister Act 2 version of Oh Happy Day as security escorts me out of the building. Both of the Sister Act movies were my favorites growing up and, since Hollywood loves to murder our childhoods with reboots, you can now add an updated version of Sister Act to the list of things to make your eyes roll. But wait! This time around things will be a bit different.
Entertainment Weekly reports that the newest installment of the franchise, exclusively slated to premiere on the Disney+ streaming service, will not be treated as a continuation of Whoopi Goldberg’s character from the previous movies. Instead, they want to break all of our hearts by tossing that story line out the window entirely and starting over from scratch. Whoopi recently discussed the upcoming reboot during an interview on Good Morning Britain where she explained how the new version of Sister Act will be handled.
“We’ve been all over Disney begging and they’ve decided that they’re going to go in a different direction with Sister Act. So it won’t be Sister Act 3, it’ll be a brand-new rendition of Sister Act,” the EGOT winner said. “And I guess I’ll walk through a scene and that’s how they’ll say I was part of it.”
Don’t get your hopes up to see Whoopi dust off her habit and swing across a stage singing Motown hits like she did twenty-five years ago because her rep burped up a huge “Hell No” when asked if she would be a part of the reboot. So basically I’m going to assume they’ll turn the new Sister Act into some type of diabetes-inducing saccharine-fest where the main character is no longer the side chick of a mob boss. Instead, she’ll probably be the chaste homecoming queen of a high school who runs away to a convent when her boyfriend can’t keep his hands off her tits during movie dates. But then again, since the show involves executive producer for HBO’s Insecure Regina Hicks and showrunner for Fox’s ridiculously over-the-top drama Star Karin Gist the new Sister Act may have a bit of edge to it. However, I’ve got to request that they don’t try to involve Lauryn Hill in any way at all. Mainly because Disney+ is preparing their launch for late 2019 and if they offer Lauryn a role she probably won’t get to the set until early 2025.