It wasn’t that long ago when a great way to move papers was just to call John Mayer and ask him to talk about life (Sexual napalm! David Duke dick! Inspiring half the Taylor Swift songbook!) or just write about his love (?) life. John would like us to all know that is John 1.0. John 2.0 is a sensitive soul who is more at home at the Women’s March than the Playboy Mansion grotto.
Billboard, using terms like little John and big John that kinda weird me out, says John had a recent performance around the Brett Kavanaugh fiasco where he described ripping up the male contract. It was kind of in vague terms, considering how old John used to be, one audience member asked him to clarify if he was pro-drunk humping or anti. John replied with more clear terms of what he wanted from dudes: “You do not possess the universal ability to have any woman you see.” Well, I’ll be! John seems a little flabbergasted by when people like, erm, anyone employed at Dlisted writes things about him being an ass:
“Some people still say, ‘That guy’s a dick.’And I go, ‘Well, any of that data you’re working off of is really old.’ I mean, I can tell you for sure that I haven’t been a dick in many years. That’s a really outdated take.”
Billboard and John would like you to believe he’s been trying to be less of an asshole since 2012. I had a good chortle at that but then went through our archives, and I’ll be damned! He actually has been better – maybe it’s just taken six years to get over the thoughts of Jessica Simpson in the sack he singed on our brains. Sure, he may have mocked Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin, but who hasn’t? Spook Jennifer Lawrence? So, what?! The John of today is more about being mellow and behaving like a total gentleman. Snaps for big John or new John or whatever it is we’re supposed to call him. And pour one out for TSwift’s career. How in the hell is she going to get a Grammy again if he isn’t out there acting like a lyric machine?!