Open Post: Hosted By Rita Ora As Post Malone

October 27, 2018 / Posted by:

It’s Shallowqueen time, and while many famous tricks are going full Slutoween (see: Parasite “Why Am I Still Talking About her?” Hilton as a slutty raver bunny from 90s pastel hell), others decided to go the scary route. Like Rita Ora who did herself up in Garbage Pail Kid drag by going to a Halloween thing as Post Malone.

For theĀ KISS Haunted House Party in London last night, Rita turned her face in a high school boy’s scribbled-on paper bag book cover by getting fake tattoos to be Shia LaBeouf’s not-as-messy brother. Rita finished the look with a wig that horrifies the hell out of me because it’s what my hair looks like if I don’t condition it every damn day, enough jewelry to make a TSA agent quit on the spot, a fake beard, and Post’s soulmate, a bottle of Bud Light. In case you don’t know, this is what the real Post Malone looks like.

View this post on Instagram

by @adamdegross

A post shared by Posty (@postmalone) on

While Rita almost nailed that shit, she looks way too clean and freshly bathed. Whenever I see a picture of Post Malone, my nostrils should close up and the tips of my eyebrow hairs should singe. You did Post wrong there, Rita!

Rita also posted a video of her taking the stage, and nobody realizing it was her. Surprisingly, the video doesn’t go down like this:

Audience: Oh my God, Post Malone we love you!

Rita: It’s not Post Malone! It’s me, Rita!

Audience: *crickets*

Rita: Ora! Ri-ta Or-ah!

Audience: *louder crickets*

Rita: Oh fuck it, it’s me Post Malone.

Pics: Instagram,

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