Stacey Dash Got Secret Married

October 14, 2018 / Posted by:

For a woman who seems to take her angry typing fingers to her keyboard every ten minutes or so, Twitter Politician Stacey Dash did a great job staying mum about the fact that she got secret married back on April 6. The wedding, Stacey’s fourth, took place in Florida (because of course it did). And who is the lucky groom? Stacey’s fellow is a man by the name of Jeffrey Marty, better known as the man who created the fake Twitter handle @RepStevenSmith who was the first (and most importantly fake) “member of Congress” to endorse Trump for President.

These two lovebirds seem like a match made in Conservative heaven! Someone assemble a reality camera crew and start filming this STAT!

Page Six seems to be the beacon who broke this news. Stacey somehow still has a manger who confirmed the news.

Sources say the couple got married just 10 days after they first met, but Dash’s manager Kerry Jones couldn’t answer how or when they met or why the wedding was so secret.

“They wanted it on the D.L. [down low],” Jones told me.

These coy kids have done a remarkable job keeping things on the DL, with only a few occasional re-tweets acknowledging each other on the Twitter. OK, to be honest there may be more examples, but each of their accounts made my eyeballs cross and jump so violently that I could only stand to search for about 45 seconds.

Jeffrey Marty, besides being a guy with two first names, is a lawyer who lives in Florida. If you are the kind of person who enjoys large font that is occasionally in ALL CAPS, I implore you to check out his website. However, I will paraphrase for you in case you are someone who wants to enjoy their Sunday afternoon without a sudden zap of grey hair that the stress of opening this web page might induce. Here are a few fun facts about Jeffrey in his own words:

Once an incredibly ruthless, near-atheistic trial lawyer who specialized and found self-worth in creating defense strategies in high-risk cases involving millions of dollars or many years of freedom.

Started @RepStevenSmith on Twitter as a form of therapy after my best friend’s suicide in 2013, before being recognized as fodder for the mainstream media, which has since labeled me a Bernie Bro, Alt-Right leader, and inspirer of “fake news” nutcases, depending on the narrative they’re pushing at the time.

IRL: God-believer (saved in 2009 when a client finally dragged me to church)

Stacey lives in California and Jeffrey remains in Florida, so they have a long distance relationship, which is probably a good thing if they hope to extend their odds of remaining married. Something tells me that these two would be insufferable independently, let alone having the two of them under one roof. However, that type of chemistry usually produces the hottest Lambada (“The Forbidden Dance“) in the sheets imaginable, so raise a glass to these two CRAZY in love kids and hope that now the news is out we can follow their love affair closely.


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