Open Post: Hosted By Paris Hilton Hating On Lindsay Lohan Like It’s 2007 Again

June 19, 2018 / Posted by:

Put on your jelly bracelets, set the VCR to record The OC and enjoy that walkman’s last days of use: we are back in the 2007is.

Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are in the news.  Well, to be fair, Paris Hilton is in the news for talking about Lindsay.  Lindsay only makes the news in Greece these days…

Recently, Parasite spoke with TMZ and was asked a bunch of questions crucial to the development of human society, which you can watch below.  She was asked about Saint Kardashian who saved Alice Johnson from jail, and Paris pretends to know and care about it, praising Kim’s “miracle work” for “that lady. But she had less positive things to say when asked if Lindsay, her former cohort in crotch-flashing, would be invited to her upcoming wedding.  Paris replied:

“If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Paris relayed to the paparazzi that Kim has come a long way from organizing her closet, and has finally made it into her good graces.  Kim will now benefit in the form of a wedding invitation.  Lindsay?  Not so much.  And when asked if Paris would consider slumming it and make an appearance at Lindsay Lohan’s potential future wedding, Paris said:

“No… I’m very busy.”

I’m sure Lindsay Lohan does not have the time to be bothered by this.  She is flat broke, only pretended to be a lesbian and only does acting work when calls–she has bigger issues.  But you know what she does have time for?  Learning a new language!  Get on her level, Paris.  She only speaks LILOHAN!

And I’ll tell you who the fuck does deserve an invite to Lindsay Lohan’s wedding: Me. I sadly own both of her albums.  I paid actual money for that musical hot-garbage; Speak AND A Little More Personal (Raw).  That is a sin from which I will never be clean, and honey, I deserve compensation.  I paid my dues to her: I deserve a seat at that motherfucking wedding. And you know what else, I will NOT be bringing a gift.


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