Happy New Year From Mimi’s Hot Tea

January 1, 2018 / Posted by:

As expected, Mimi returned to the scene of the crime (aka Times Square) last night and yodeled out two of her songs, Vision of Love and Hero, during Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve. Everyone kept calling it “Mariah Carey’s redemption performance,” but please. The only tricks who needed to do some redeeming was the Emmys voters for not properly honoring that televised masterpiece wreck by giving it hundreds of awards.

CNN were the ones who filled Times Squares with massive amounts of cringeworthy messiness last night. Because unlike last year’s level 10 unnatural disaster, Mimi’s earpiece didn’t quit on her and she wasn’t exposed as The Lip-Synching Chanteuse before doing what her overworked Spanx do at the end of the night: completely giving up and falling apart. I guess a thing call “a soundcheck” does matter after all.

While wearing the carcass of a snow Yeti, Mimi released raw vocals from her unicorn mouth and her performances were pretty much foolery-free. When Mimi’s earpiece goes out, a lamb gets slaughtered, so I am happy that a lamb was saved last night, but I much prefer my Mimi performances with an extra large sequined side of MESS!

But Mimi did serve up a little bit of divaness when she let everyone know that some incompetent minion didn’t put a cup of tea on the stage and so she couldn’t warm up her frozen butterfly vocal cords with singing lube.

Hmm… I wonder what kind of shifty, sneaky butterfly-hating bitch would try to sabotage Mimi by not putting her tea on stage?! (Cut to that maniacal garden gnome Ryan Seacrest and Predator Muppet Jenny McCarthy tripping the assistant who was bringing Mimi’s tea to the stage.)

And Mimi eventually got her tea (see: header pic). I’m sure she’s sipping on some Tension Tamer tea in that pic.  Only the best for Mimi!

Pic: @MariahCarey

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