All together now: WHERE ART THOU FUCKING CRYSTAL?
29 years ago today, Roseanne debuted on ABC, and… wait, hold up for a second. I have to buzz my nurse to bring me a fresh big boy nappy along with my lunch of blended peas porridge. I made a poopy in the diaper she put on me this morning. And yes, I’m writing this from a nursing home since I’m old. I’m “I remember watching Roseanne’s pilot episode” old.
Yesterday, ABC celebrated the 29th anniversary of Roseanne’s birth by tweeting pictures from a table read for the revival, which comes out next year. From left to right is: the legendary Laurie Metcalf, Roseanne, D.J. Conner, the little girl who plays D.J.’s daughter, someone I don’t know, executive producer Whitney Cummings (yes, she’s an EP for some reason), another someone I don’t know, the Beckys, John Goodman, Sara Gilbert, Darlene’s gender creative child, and some others I don’t know. David (played by Johnny Galecki) is still “in talks” to join them all. And I’m assuming that in the picture above, John Goodman is covering his nose from a butt burp pooted out by one of the Beckys. Becky #1 totally blamed it on Becky #2 and vice versa.
Here’s another picture shared by actress Emma Kenney who plays the grown-up Harris Healey (aka Darlene and David’s daughter):
— Emma Kenney (@EmmaRoseKenney) October 17, 2017
There’s something really, really off about these pictures. It’s weird how they’re all happy and smiling when the regular cast is incomplete! I already mentioned Crystal, but where’s Roseanne’ uppity cousin Ronnie (played by Dame Joan Collins), Nancy (played by Sandra Bernhard), Beverly (played by Estelle Parsons) and Morgan Fairchild?! How can they all agree to do that shit without those highly important five characters? I guess a check is a check. Scabs!