Lorde was supposed to perform her latest despondent art school teen song, “Homemade Dynamite,” at the MTV VMAs last night. Unfortunately, Lorde came down with the flu before showtime. Lorde must be her own pushy stage mom, because flu be damned, Lorde still went out there and put on a show!
— Lorde (@lorde) August 27, 2017
An IV? That’s serious sickness. A performance from a person that under-the-weather might be one that involves sitting on the edge of the stage with a trash can close by just in case a high-register C-note tickles a gag reflex and barfs a gallon of liquefied BRAT diet all over the place. That wasn’t Lorde. We still got a very weird, very Lorde performance. And if you can believe it, she actually found a way to out-Lorde herself. Lorde interpretive danced her way across the stage in a pair of part-time job khakis, sneakers, and a tinfoil party dress with the energy and commitment of someone who was making it up as they went along, all the while not singing a single note.
I’m okay with the fact that Lorde didn’t sing. She obviously doesn’t want to strain her vocal cords. Lorde needs to rest up her voice for when she calls up her friend Taylor Swift and demands to know why she was left off Taylor’s t-shirt list of squad members.
Of course, she wasn’t alone in it. She did have some help from some dancers who lifted her up above their heads. That was very brave of them, and they truly deserve an honorary Moon Person statue, stat. I would never hold someone who claims to have the flu above my head; you don’t know what kind of gross surprises gravity might have in store.