Sofia Vergara’s Creepster Ex Got Shut Down In Louisiana Court

August 26, 2017 / Posted by:

That’s not her ex, but it ain’t far off. The oddest combination of gold digger/faux pro-lifer/aspiring geneticist, Onion Crunch tycoon Nick Loeb, has been trying to nab custody of frozen pre-embryos “Emma” and “Isabelle” (yes, eggs are named now) since his split from the Joe Manganiello-blessed Sofia Vergara. Well, Nick’s attempt at suing her for custody in the pro-life skewing state of Louisiana has failed; he was recently told to legally fuck off by a Louisiana judge.

TMZ reports that the judge threw out Nick’s suit, noting that Emma and Isabelle were first put into their ice cube trays, or whatever receptacle they use, in California. This means that they would be considered Californians, as opposed to enjoying crayfish and hating the tourists vomiting on Bourbon Street. THEIR future will be enduring plastic actresses and feeling the grit of the Santa Ana winds!

Nick’s official motivation for wanting to defrost the aspiring humans in the bayou is because Sofia shot a movie there in 2014, and it’s where they dated and Nick alleges they planned their life together. The judge saw through this charade, and noted that Louisiana likes them women to have them babies, and that’s why Nick had someone file the suit there. Sorry, Nick. Emma and Isabelle are California frozen embryos girls as determined by law.

According to docs, the judge said the court had no jurisdiction because the embryos were conceived in California, and neither parent has any permanent ties to the state [Louisana].

The Honorable Judge Onion-Crunch-Is-Gross wants nothing to do with getting constitutional with some douche who’s looking to stick it to his ex (and get paid) by nabbing eggs.

The judge actually called the pre-embryos “citizens of California”… and said weighing in on the case would require a potential constitutional evaluation over the embryos’ rights.

There’s no word on whether or not Nick will refile his suit. He’ll probably be too busy valiantly protesting for the rights of the unborn outside a clinic. *eye-roll* (Nick once refused to tell a California judge the names of two of his ex-girlfriends who had abortions).

My sympathies lie with Ms. Vergara in this situation. An ex inflicting a creepy new form of gold-digging on you is bad. Interfering with the time you could be spending getting on your ridiculously attractive husband is even worse.


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