Katy Perry finally dropped the official video for “Swish Swish,” a song she claims isn’t about Taylor Swift, but totally is. As if there was any doubt about who Katy is slapping at in Swish Swish, she’s been kind enough to drop some clues in an incredibly-subtle six-and-a-half minute long video. I know, we really didn’t need another video for “Swish Swish” after the one starring Brazilian Butt Queen Gretchen, but we got one anyway.
The video for “Swish Swish,” which dropped online earlier this morning, is like a mashup of Space Jam and Taylor’s celebrity-filled revenge fantasy video for “Bad Blood,” but with an accountant tapping a calculator and saying “We don’t have the budget for that, but here’s what we can afford.”
Big name stars? Errr…define stars. We’ve got Tina from Glee, the toothless kid from Stranger Things, that chick from the internet who looks like a caterpillar, about six seconds worth of drag queen (who may or may not have gotten paid), The Mountain from GoT, some people from internet memes, and Gronk. And that’s just who they could afford with what they had left in their purse after they paid for a cameo by living treasure Molly Shannon, who deserves as much cash as they were able to throw at her.
So the whole video is set during a basketball game that feels like a direct-to-streaming Friedberg and Seltzer parody comedy called Loosiers. Katy’s team, the Tigers, showdown against a team of evil mean assholes called the Sheep. After stumbling around like Left Sharks on dental anesthesia in the first half of the game, Katy and her team juice up and defeat those mean ol’ Sheep. Hmmm, I wonder who the Sheep could be a reference to? Gosh, I’m stumped!
And then we have the coach of the Sheep, played by Terry Crews in a busted blonde wig and preppy grey sweater. So subtle, I tell you.
You know Katy begged the director to have Terry holding two Scottish Fold cats, and the director was like, “Katy, come on – let’s leave something to the imagination.”
And then in the middle of all this goofiness, Nicki Minaj pops in wearing some futuristic granny sunglasses and looking like a hand dryer from the stadium bathroom.
It’s too bad Katy didn’t wait a week before she released this video (I mean, she already waited three months, what’s another week?). She could have scrapped the wolf in sheep’s clothing and replaced it with a snake mascot. After all, her nemesis is totally all about snakes now.