You can make the “Blank Space” joke, because that would end my soul to type.
Did the Rapture claim her? But…but…where are to we go for all those Tommy Hilfiger ad-looking “candids” and “my friends are prettier and more numerous than yours” snaps? Taylor Swift took down all of the content on her social media. People reports that her Instagram and Twitter are now a vast digital wasteland. If this means I have to follow one of the Hadids to continue keeping tabs on the Serpent Squad, well, then I QUIT.
This all went down on Friday morning. And it wasn’t just the content on social media. She also unfollowed everyone and her website is as dark as Hamilton on a Monday (nope, still can’t get tickets until 3045)! Her fans remained calm and reacted in measured tones. Wherefore art thou, Tay Tay?
WHAT TF ARE YOU UP TO @TAYLORSWIFT13?!?!?!
— harper (@harperln) August 18, 2017
I'M SCARED TO GO TO SLEEP THANKS TO TAYLOR SWIFT LIKE WHAT IF SHE DROPS A NEW SONG pic.twitter.com/uozn81otWX
— anu (@shadesofslaylor) August 18, 2017
TAYLOR SWIFT IS COMING SHE DID NOT COME TO PLAY THIS TIME TRY AND STOP YOUR FAVES FROM RELEASING NEW MUSIC pic.twitter.com/BVBQmfphpx
— Joe Alwyn (@taylorshero1) August 18, 2017
So, yes, the consensus is that she’s about to drop a new album and activate about 9 million new posts and think pieces about her. Hopefully it’s called Just Try And Come For Me, Pervert DJ. Either that or she was hacked. Seeing as she hasn’t released a statement, yet, and no one’s used her Twitter to troll Trump, I’m going with new album. Look for a Katy Perry duet, a Kanye West appearance, and some Lena Dunham spoken word in a hidden track you can only get on the deluxe edition. Prepare yourself for more Taylor Swift than you can stand.
For those of you who aren’t feeling Swifty, you might want to flee to your Taylor Swift assault bunker. Thankfully mine has central air because I prepared for the possibility that Pippi Yawnstocking would drop an album in the heat of August. The torturer!