Mario Cantone Must Hope Anthony Scaramucci Lasts Through Sweeps Week
As you may know by now, Sean Spicer is the Gerber baby in comparison to new White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci. While The Mooch even had my B-hole quivering at his Jersey Boy charm on Day 1 at the podium, he’s since made us all, including his wife, take a hard look in the mirror. Because we’re suddenly left defending people we never thought we would have to!
First off, he said of Sarah Huckabee Sanders:
“The only thing I ask Sarah—Sarah, if you’re watching, I loved the hair and makeup person that we had on Friday, so I’d like to continue to use the hair and makeup person.”
The Mooch, you leave Sarah alone! She has Mike Huckabee as a father and comes from the same state as the Duggars. Homegirl has been through enough as-is! Then, Ryan Lizza at the New Yorker wrote yesterday how Ant called him up and, ah, went Danielle Staub on him real fast. Who can blame him?! He works in the Trump White House. I think he may have mistakenly thought he was dialing up a casting director for a Sopranos reboot, because I read the whole story in a James Gandolfini voice.
On Reince Priebus: “Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac.” Fair! But it’s one of those things where it’s only funny when we say it. You leave the Chief of Staff alone! He already is dealing with having a name that sounds like a shitty used car dealership. But the best is when he gets to poor ol’ Steve Bannon:
“I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock. I’m not trying to build my own brand off the fucking strength of the President. I’m here to serve the country.”
Steve doesn’t seem like the most flexible, so I hope he isn’t trying this in front of some portrait of Mary Todd Lincoln. The White House has been cheapened up enough! The Mooch has tough words considering the only reason he has his job is because of how much smoke he blows up the presidential b-hole. I’m not the only one who saw this, because Entertainment Weekly says Mario Cantone dropped by The President Show last night, and, instead of revamping his role of Anthony in Sex And The City, he went even gayer with Anthony of No Sex In The White House, saying this of his favorite fucking paranoiac:
“I’m gonna fire so many people. I don’t know who it’s gonna be, Reince, but I’m gonna get to the bottom of the leaks in the White House. Do you hear me, Reince? There’s an old Italian expression my mother used to use when somebody hurt her. She’d say, ‘Stick the umbrella up my a— but don’t open it.’”
Just as I was about to finish this post, it appears Trump fired Reince. They’re dropping faster than I did to my knees when I found out it’s 2-for-1 margarita night! I hope the umbrella isn’t too far up your hiney, Reince!
For more of Mario as The Mooch, see below:
Pic: YouTube