The Duggars are that family of multitudes wherein all the women are raised to function solely as life support systems for wombs (and occasionally also having to function as apologists for their brother if he happens to sexually abuse them, allegedly). The Manson Family is less creepy. The latest Duggar girl to be married off, Joy-Anna Duggar, wed Austin Forsyth yesterday.
They announced their engagement on March 2nd, after “courting” (aka vetting Austin to make sure that their latest TLC series doesn’t tank if he ends up having a sordid past) for three months. Joy-Anna and Austin “shared a special message with fans via a TLC video” according to UsWeekly:
“Saying our vows and saying ‘I do’ and committing our lives to each other is so incredible. I am so blessed to be married to him. I’m just looking forward to getting to share my life, it’s good times and its challenges, with my best friend.”
Family ruler Jim-Bob Duggar and his
hostage wife Michelle were imbued with joy as well. They shared a pic of the couple on Instagram with this caption:
“What an absolutely wonderful day our family will always treasure. As parents, we could not be more grateful for the godly woman Joy has become, and the loving husband she married! We love you, Joy and Austin and are so happy for you both, as you embark on this exciting journey together!”
I’m assuming that the conveyor belt in the latest Duggar baby factory has already started rolling, because they were supposed to get married on October 28. Wait, can Duggars have pre-marital sex? I’m thinking not, because when the newlyweds posted a pic of their just-engaged asses in early March, Joy-Anna noted that:
“Now that we are engaged, we are holding hands. So that’s pretty special.“
That hand-holding must have been particularly erotic if Pappy and Maw-Maw Duggar are already readying to christen their daughter’s uterus with a bottle of sparkling cider before its maiden voyage. They probably can’t disown their daughter if she actually is pregnant before getting married, when they okayed their son praying the sexual assault tendencies away at Jesus Camp for predators.
And these Duggars don’t take breathers. There’s a dynasty to continue! Brother Joseph Duggar got engaged to Kendra Caldwell AT Anna-Joy’s wedding, according to People, Kendra said:
“We are super excited. It’s great to not be courting anymore, now we’re engaged! I’m so happy and so shocked. There’s so many words I want to say, but just shocked.”
She’s “shocked” because she finally saw the baby barracks where all the women must live as their babies gestate and realized she’s basically sold herself into a real-life version of The Handmaid’s Tale.