The “Roseanne” Revival Will Act Like Dan Conner Never Died

This is good news, because John Goodman playing the wise-cracking ghost of sexy everyman dad, Dan Conner, would have been a disaster on par with that final season lottery dream mess.

Roseanne’s infamous (as in infamously terrible) final season ended with the revelation that husband Dan actually hadn’t survived his heart attack. The show is coming back to ABC for an eight-episode stint, and TV Line reports that they’re going to make like none of that ever happened. 

An insider says it’s probably safe to assume that pretty much “everything that went down” in the series finale will be ignored when the revival launches in Spring 2018.

Can they fix the dueling Beckys issue, too? Lecy Goranson will always be Becky to me. The Scrubs chick was way too blonde and perky.

They also noted that “Dan is very much alive” in the new episodes. That sexy daddybear John Goodman has been onboard with the Roseanne reboot since the reunion he had with Sara Gilbert on The Talk, so this would make sense. If they’re undoing the finale, this means that Jackie remains heterosexual, Darlene still got together with Johnny Galecki and his luxurious waterfall of early 90s curls, and Becky was still with Mark (RIP).

While they’re at it, they should retcon out a whole bunch of the plot that didn’t work and bring back what did. Didn’t Dan and Roseanne have a late-in-life baby, too? They should nix that kid. Bring back neurotic Crystal and that motorcycle mama Bonnie. Wasn’t Traci Lords a waitress at the Lunch Box at one point? Bring her back. But, whatever they do, NO Tom Arnold.

There’s a distinct possibility that I have way too much of an emotional stake in Roseanne. It might have been my Breaking Bad back in the day, which is sad and probably doesn’t say a lot for my idea of “prestige television.”

Pic: ABC