As All The Dance Moms Cackled While Doing A Pirouette Of Happiness, Abby Lee Miller Was Sentenced To Over One Year In Prison 

One of Lifetime’s most terrifying monsters, Abby Lee Miller, plead guilty to bankruptcy fraud charges for trying to hide $775,000 of money she made from her reality shit shows, Dance Moms and Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition, while going through Chapter 11 bankruptcy proceedings. Abby also pulled a scheme in August 2014 when she made $120,000 in cash in Australia and tried to avoid reporting it by divvying up the money between friends before boarding a flight back to the U.S. Abby was sentenced today in Pittsburgh, PA and it’s amazing that reporters were able to hear the entire punishment that got thrown at Abby. Two of the Dance Moms, Christi Lukasiak and Kelly Hyland (who sued Abby for assault and other shit in 2014), were in court to support the prosecution and so you’d think that their hyena screeches of pure joy would drown out all other sounds.

Abby was facing up to 5 years and $5 million in fines. The prosecution was asking for Abby to get 2.5 years in prison, but the sentencing judge, Chief Judge Joy Flowers Conti, must’ve felt pity for the imprisoned criminals who will have to be locked in a building with the demon baby of a possessed Peg Bundy and the Boogeyman. Deadline says that Chief Judge Joy gave Abby just 1 year and 1 day in prison and ordered her to pay a $40,000 fine and a $120,000 judgement for the illegal stunt she tried to pull in Australia. She’ll also spend 2 years on probation after she’s finished living out a really long episode of Dance Wardens.

Abby is expected to slip into an orange jumpsuit in about 45 days and she’ll probably serve her time in a prison near Los Angeles since she lives in California now. Chief Judge Joy reportedly told Abby that she could serve 10 months before going to a halfway house. Abby doesn’t have a Lifetime TV show to go back to as of now since she’s been replaced by Cheryl Burke.

Reporters say that Abby cried tears during sentencing. Chief Judge Joy didn’t buy the tears that were streaming out of Abby’s eyes.

Judge tells Abby Lee Miller she lost her moral compass #DanceMoms

— Ben Schmitt (@bencschmitt) May 9, 2017

Okay, but my question for Chief Judge Joy is: How can you lose something your ass never had in the first place?

But seriously, that sentence is still pretty harsh. Abby will be locked in a prison without any little children to terrorize. Abby’s main source of protein is the fear that shoots off of little kids as she burns them with her eyes of rage. Maybe Abby’s cellmate will feel sorry for her and put their hair into a tight bun and wear a homemade leotard out of prison sheets and let her yell at them for 10 minutes every day.

Pic: AP