Now Old People Can Apply To Be On “America’s Top Model”

April 2, 2017 / Posted by:

Renowned media mogul, Tyra Banks, has practiced the time honored tradition of ageism for years. When her iconic skinny bitch showcase America’s Next Top Model debuted in 2003, there has always been three main simple rules: 1). I am your Queen! 2). At some point I’ma fuck your hair up. 3). Don’t be an old bitch.

Well, rules 1 and 2 are still in full effect, but Tyra has finally done away with rule number 3. She now welcomes contestants of every age to pack their bags (including the ones under their eyes) to smize away for cash prizes and reality supermodel infamy.

Last month, Tyra announced that she would be taking the reigns as host once again after the show’s return to television on VH1, along with former host Rita Ora, who always looked like she was either on the verge of sleep or tears whenever the camera caught her. (Side note: In addition to hosting ANTM, Tyra is also replacing Nick Cannon as the host of NBC’s America’s Got Talent). Variety reports “After 23 cycles, the recently re-appointed host of America’s Next Top Model announced that she is doing away with an age limit for the upcoming iteration.” Yesterday, she posted a video to her Twitter page to inform everyone of the good news.

MmmmHmmm. Likely story, Tyra. You got rid of the age limit because you woke up recently and realized YOUR ass is getting old! You don’t fool me, broad! Discriminating against aspiring models over the age of thirty was cool when she was still young, but now that she’s hopped over that forty fence, I’m sure she had an epiphany while sipping her Ensure one morning like “Girl, you know you wrong. Let the old bitches play too!” And honestly, I am all the way here for the old models coming through and becoming a part of the legendary ANTM brand of fuckery, especially once the ladies all move into the house and are immediately divided into the “Young vs. Old” crew. Y’all know that’s what Tyra wants.

I hope there’s a 50-year-old grandmother who comes in there and slays every last one of those young hoes. But then again, Tyra would probably cut Glam-Mom way before anyone else as to do away with her own competition among the geriatric models.


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